My Mother's Will
On my last birthday my mom handed me a blank birthday card and said, “Here’s your card sweetie. I didn’t have time to fill it out, so can you? You’re a writer, write yourself something thoughtful and appropriate.”
Last night I found the card in a book. It reads:
Darling Daughter,
Happy Birthday sweetie! You’re by far the best accomplishment of my life. As your gift this year I want to give you the world. However, since I don’t have that authority I’m going to give you everything else.
Consider this my last will and testament. I’m leaving everything your dad and I own to you, and only you. Your brothers are not to inherit anything. I’m forever apologetic that you were forced to grow up alongside such horrible boys. I hope this one act will make up for a childhood of brothers farting and burping on you. I trust this will guarantee forgiveness as well as place me a spot in the heaven place I’m forever talking about, which I imagine is much like a cruise: a good idea at the time, but miserable as fuck.
Catch you on the flip side.
Love your Mommy.
Comments
I think that will TOTALLY hold up in a court of law.
Brilliant! Why hasn’t my mom thought of this?
I’m guessing she didn’t give your brother’s a card and tell them the same thing?
Otherwise there will be a law suit.
That’s weird to have someone fill in their own card.
My mother did the same thing, except it was my baby book. When I was born my sister was only 10 months old (yep, total recovering mormon) and she didn’t have the time. When I found it at 12 years-old I was rightfully pissed off, she said if it was that big a deal to fill-it in myself. I believe I filled-in my first word as “asshole”.
Two questions:
1. Did she sign it?
2. Is she a notary public?
If so, you are all set.
This is my favorite post to date. Forget the fact that I have only been reading for a month, but it’s still my favorite.
i love it! i’m sure your brothers won’t mind a bit. and forget your dad. i mean when your mom goes you get it all. he can survive on the measly allowance you give him i’m sure. they will all love you!
I seriously love this idea. When my kids are beyond the drool and diaper stage, I simply must put it into practice!
I hopped over here from Loralee’s. I’d room with you but I am one of the heralded few who will be staying with her. So we’ll definitely meet in the process!
Unrelated but I’m loving the fact that there is a “SHOULD HILARY JUST QUIT?” ad on your blog.
Hi Sarah. That was the funniest card message I’ve ever read. You could give Hallmark some serious competition by writing cards people actually would enjoy reading. Thanks for sharing it.
Fantastic card. Did she at least sign it?
actually im leaving you a comment for your photo of the day.
sweet midgets. i must own some sweet midgets.
Perfect!
Good one.. Get her drunk one night and get her to sign it..
Hrm.. getting your mum drunk seems pretty wrong to me.. =o
I love it. Now to get my parents do to the same.
I am one of your many stalker/fans. I saw you on TV, found your blog hysterical & follow you on twitter just to get a little daily adrenaline spike. You’re highly talented (but you knew that) and very raw & honest. Love it!
I was shocked you stopped by & commented on my ill blog, thanks even though you only wanted a shopping tip– Target tissue tee–Mossimo.
I love some of your twitters.
http://twitter.com/katie021
Hilarious
Based on this post and one regarding Mother’s Day it is apparent that you are your mother’s daughter. 🙂
Great article! I love Mother’s Day because it’s a day to give appreciation to all the hard working mothers out there.
If you’re a mother, go to the link below for your free Mother’s Day gift!
http://bit.ly/free-mothers-day-gift