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Sarah: “Hey, I’m going to meet the punk rock kids at the bar to watch the Patriots game. Do you want to come?”

Ben: “I can’t, I’m watching Silence of the Lambs and the game here.”

Sarah: “Um, why?”

Ben: “I’m comparing the two. Hannibal Lecter and the Patriots have lots in common. Hannibal likes to tease his victims and take his time, just like the Patriots.”

Sarah: “I’ll never understand why girls like you. I know you’re a cool guy, but you probably come off as the skin-suit kind of guy.”

Ben: “Chicks dig the mullet.”

This year for Christmas I gave myself this blanket from Restoration Hardware. It’s quite possibly the best blanket in the entire world. I’ve never had a blanket so soft. I’m positive I’m snuggling under the skinned carcasses of teddy bears. I’m from the country, I’m down with dead animals touching me. As long as they stay away from my digestive system I’m good.

The description on the website says this blanket is “generously sized for cuddling.” Which is a big fat marketing lie. I’m not a large girl and there is no way I could fit another person comfortably under this thing. I am selfish with my blankets and like to be covered head to toe before allowing my blanket to tough another individual. Any individual, even a dog.

Daisy seems to think just because she is the same color as the blanket, I won’t notice her hair all over it. Once I caught her laying on the blanket, I moved it to where she couldn’t reach it while I’m gone. This afternoon when I got home she had found the blanket and was sound asleep on it.

Needless to say, I was pissed. This one-eyed dog who can’t manage to pour me a glass of wine or anything useful, can find a well-hidden blanket. Dogs would do anything for a good nap, which is way more than even Ben would do for comfort. Unless the blanket smelled like bacon.

My brother, Ben, has always fancied himself a trend setter. Which is complete and utter nonsense to all those who know him, but we just nod our heads and agree because it makes him feel good.

His latest hair “trend” was indeed copied, but my a much younger crowd: our nephew Carter:Who is related and therefore shouldn’t count. Besides with Lightning McQueen so popular, what kid wouldn’t want a lightening bolt shaved into the side of his head?

Sarah: “Ben, you have to go see Juno ASAP, it’s really good. Or Sweeney Todd. You can’t beat a throat-slitting barber.”

Ben: “I can’t see that one. You know I’m scared of Tim Burton movies.”

Sarah: “Still? You sort of an adult now.”

Ben: “Sarah, I was four. Not exactly a movie to force a small child to watch over and over. This is totally your fault.”

Sarah: “Well how was I to know you’d grow up to be a baby man.”

Ben: “You have no room to talk, remember, you’re terrified of Silence of the Lambs.”

Sarah: “Because that is REAL! You could be a skin suit at any given time. Beetle Juice isn’t real. Proving once again I’m way tougher than you.”

Ben: “Perhaps tougher, but still in need of therapy. We really should get a therapist on staff for the entire family.”

Ben: “Stop telling people I like Nascar. I don’t!”

Sarah: “Benjamin, you have a mullet, therefore you must like Nascar. It’s okay, don’t fight it.”

Ben: “People read your blog. No more Nascar talk. BUT, I do really want Carter’s bed. I’m going to request one from Santa next year.”

Sarah: “You could probably just wait a couple years and Carter will outgrow his.”

Ben: “Outgrow it? Why? It’s awesome. Seriously, Sarah, how cool would that look in my extra bedroom? I may kick my roommate Vegan Joe out so I can.”

My niece, Hannah, called me this morning to tell me that Santa brought her a brand new princess bed. She wasn’t kidding. I drove down this afternoon to see for myself and found her cuddled up with her dolls wearing a velvet princess costume. I asked her if there was room for me and she looked up with the sweetest face and said, “Yes and always, but NOT EVER BEN!” Which is totally fine since when I walked out I noticed Ben in Carter’s room begging him to trade beds. Not all surprising since Carter scored a race care bed. Ben is sorta weird and into all that Nascar crap.

Merry Christmas everyone! May you all be as happy as this little girl:

In the middle of my front room is a pile of presents that need to be gift wrapped; only I keep forgetting to buy wrapping paper.

To read my lazy version of a holiday greeting card go here. And here’s proof of the mentioned “haircut.”

Last night was cheap beer night at the Grizzlies Game. So we all went. I was late getting there since I have a Tuesday night Math class, but I arrived just in time to hear Ben arguing with the beer vendor.

Beer Vendor: “You can either get a 10 oz. beer for one dollar, or a 32 oz. beer for four dollars. But I recommend you get the larger beer. It’s a better deal.”

Ben: “Actually that’s not true. If I get the small beer I save 2.5 cents per ounce. Trust me, I did the math before I got here.”

BV: “But the 32 oz beer is larger therefore you have more beer.”

Ben: “Yes, but that’s not the point, the point is to save money on beer. That’s the whole idea behind cheap beer night. I can buy a large beer at four dollars or four small beers at four dollars. Same amount of money but 8 oz less, which makes zero sense.”

At that point the beer vendor stopped talking to him and poured the beers. I guess math really is used in every day life, and here I thought it was a waste of my time.

Sarah: “I decided how you can get Mom & Dad off your back about your hair. Next time they start complaining about how long it is, just tell them grown up Jesus had long hair.”

Ben: “It wouldn’t’ work. I know Dad and he would say something about Jesus walked everywhere and that I never walk anywhere.”

Sarah: “That’s stupid. Jesus only walked because they didn’t have cars. If they did Jesus would’ve certainly been driving.”

Ben: “I wonder what Jesus would have driven.”

Sarah: “Obviously a Prius. It just seems like a Jesus kind of car.”

Ben: “Really? I don’t see it. He probably would just have angels carry him around everywhere. Sorta makes me want to be Jesus.”

Sarah: “Maybe you’re right, but either way we’ve turned Jesus into a very lazy man.”