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Yesterday was the First World Autism Awareness Day, but you know this because you are aware, right?

On May 3rd I am taking part in the Utah Autism Speaks Walk. I encourage anyone who can to donate to this cause. It would mean a lot to me and a lot to the family I’m walking for. We are team Big MAK–if you want to help us, donate directly to my page here. Thanks to everyone who has already donated, and thanks in advance to those that do. You’re going to, right? I have the best readers around! If you’re interested in the organization, read their site: Autism Speaks Website .

Why I walk?

I’m walking for this brave little boy, and his incredible family. I’ve watched him growing up over the past eight years, and it breaks my heart to see him growing bigger, but not develop the way other, more fortunate, children do.

He says very few words, but the day he said my name was a day I’ll never forget. The very few times he does say “Sarrrrrah” I cry for him, for his family and for the other children affected with this disease. He can’t tell me he loves me, but each time he hugs me I know he does. I whisper, “I love you” into his ear each time I leave their house, and I pray that he understands me. One in every 150 US children is diagnosed with Autism. This is unacceptable, and frankly terrifies me; someday I want a child and I want that child to have better odds. So I walk.

“Sarah, it’s Scott.  Did you break up with me?  At least call me and tell me if you broke up with me, or at least leave a note on your blog or something.”

I love this!  How great that now I don’t even have to return calls or text message people anymore, I can inform them via blog I didn’t break up with them.

If I were to call him back–which I probably won’t because I’m lazy–I’d be sure to tell him we are not broken up at this time.  He’s not fired and still considered a friend, in fact a better friend than I am since he calls people.

Now if I could only figure out how to get my family to accept this form of communication my world would be perfect.

My internet-hooker friend George came to visit over the weekend, I tried my best to rally and spend some quality time drinking with him at the bar.

Sadly, my “best” is total crap. His last night in town was spent at Red Rock having dinner with a couple of my girlfriends. I wanted to be home and in bed by 10:30 p.m. because apparently I have turned into my grandmother.

As we walked into the restaurant I saw a guy I briefly dated having dinner. I haven’t seen him since I told him via email I didn’t think we should date anymore. Yes, I really AM that girl. Shut up, I had my reasons. And good ones at that, for example he likes NASCAR, which we all know I strongly detest. In addition, he had a tendency to use words on my ‘do not say’ list. The two I couldn’t deal with were: “LOL” and “faggot.” Both words make me cringe to the point of nausea. I tried to get past it, but I couldn’t. The thought of sticking my tongue into a mouth that used either word was more than I could handle.

I know what some of you are thinking, “No wonder she is single, she’s way too picky.” Well guess what, I am picky and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I refuse to date someone I don’t respect and I can’t respect anyone who uses the “f” word in regular speak. I just can’t, no matter how much fun and nice the person is.

We enjoyed our dinner and I tried not to obsess over it, but I couldn’t help but wonder why I bother dating at all.

Valentine’s Day dinner looked beautiful on the plate, however, later that night it didn’t look so pretty coming back up. It’s interesting that no one else got sick from the meal. And by “interesting” I mean ARLO IS TRYING TO KILL ME!

He’s got plenty of justifiable reasons to want me dead. In fact, the whole thing is rather ironic. Just yesterday, some friends and I were talking about how much grief I give Arlo. We agreed that if he did indeed kill me, no jury in the world would convict him. I’d like to think the reason he attempted to poison me wasn’t necessarily due to the fact I force him to watch bad reality TV with me, or the fact I tease him mercilessly, but because I burned the one portion of the dinner I was in charge of:

1) Sleeping in ten extra minutes, because there is no need to shave my legs.

2) My panties and bra don’t have to match.

3) I have a reason to listen to the Eels “Love of the Loveless” over, and over all day long.

4) The only flowers in my house are ones I’ve purchased myself, so there will be no sneezing due to allergies this year.

5) I don’t have to wear perfume, unless I want to.

6) No one is going to drag me to a steak house thinking I’ll be impressed, and then remember ten minutes into the meal I don’t eat steak.

7) The only gifts purchased for the holiday are those for myself.

8) I don’t have to try and have dainty girl eating habits at dinner tonight. I can pig out on Valentine’s Day candy and no one will care.

10) And best of all, I get to spend the evening with friends watching “Rock of Love” on Tivo. Though, if Arlo meets someone and falls in love within the next eight hours my evening is ruined.

“There is something to be said about dying young and leaving a good-looking corpse. Necrophilia is so much more palatable when you look like Heath Ledger.”–The Yuppie

I seriously have the best collection of ex-boyfriends this state has to offer. Now, to keep them all single so we can remain friends always. That’s not too selfish, right?

If your driver license has expired and you’ve been too busy to renew it, bar hopping is a bad idea.

Carpet burns are better on your elbows then face.

Broken toes hurt.

Men from Holland bounce their heads way too much.

When you talk shit on someone and then make your girlfriend stick up for you, you are the one who should be kicked in the baby. Even if you are my brother.

Lemonade and Southern Comfort doesn’t make me barf.

The Yuppie strikes again–click here to read this week’s “The Dating Years.”

Winter: still here. Still sucks. Silver lining: great reason to buy cute coats and boots.

Burn: still hurts. Silver lining: Barbie Band-Aids!

Construction: Still loud. Silver lining: ______!

Math: Pissed about having to install Windows on my computer, but thankful for friends who offer great advice. Silver lining: own a cool new computer with plenty of space for installation.

In other news, it’s one day closer to the weekend! And the weekend brings two birthday parties. Neither of which are for me, but both are great guys who are smart enough to know to provide wine and chocolate cake, right?

“Arlo, will you sit there? I don’t want to sit by a stranger.”

“Sarah, that’s not a stranger that’s Ross. He’s with us.”

“He is? I don’t know him.”

“Yeah, you do. You’ve met him a couple of times.”

“Ohhh, was he the one dressed like a woman for Halloween?”

“Yes… a geisha.”

“Okay, then I definitely don’t want to sit by him.”