Thanks!
My first Sundance movie is tonight. Let the festival begin!
I just hope Arlo doesn’t let me fall if/when I slip on the ice this year. Last year when it happened I was nice about it. This year that won’t be happening.
I’ll punch him.
Hard.
veryGEORGE! is very bossy. After much prodding on his part I’m finally posting the top songs I’d dry hump to. To read his rules and post go here. I’ve never been one to keep rules and I’m certainly not going to start now. Since I’ve not been a teenager in a very long time and I sincerely doubt I’ve ever dry humped as much as George so I’m only posting ten songs.
Sade–Smooth Operator
How I spent 1996. Enough said.
Guns N’ Roses–November Rain
I was sixteen and horny once. In fact, I’m positive this was the song I made out to on multiple occasions in the eleventh grade. Ahhh, the good old days.
Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam
Come on, admit it… we’ve all had the hots for the Mormon Jesus. Those blue eyes and beautiful blond locks.
Mazzy Star–Fade Into You
Find me someone that doesn’t think naughty thoughts during this song and I’ll do my best to change that.
I Hope They Call Me on Mission
Clean cut guys in suits are hot. I did my part in corrupting a few over the years.
Ben Folds Five–The Luckiest
I’ve always loved this song. And fondly remember trying to get my Mormon boyfriend to have sex while listening. I lost.
Heather Nova–Blood of Me
She’s totally girl crush hot AND says the fuck word sexier than any female singer alive.
Journey–Faithfully
I don’t care that George already used this one. It just breeds teenage humping. I’m pretty sure it was responsible for the great hickey incident of 1993.
Al Green–I’m Still in Love With You
Do I really need to explain this one? Total hump music.
The Sundays–Wild Horses
Sexy, sexy, SEXY!
You’ll notice there isn’t any recent music on this list because since last year’s dry hump incident I’ve sworn off of it.
Last night I drove to West Jordan to meet friends for a movie. I’ve been dying to see Sweeny Todd and they were going, so it was well worth the commute. Plus they don’t suck.
MapQuest totally lied to me—it took way longer than 16 minutes to get there. Luckily I had my new Spice Girls CD to listen to, so I didn’t mind as much. Getting out of the car I was still singing the Wannabe lyrics…
“Yo. I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want.
So tell me what you want, what you really really want.”
…slightly off-key and entirely louder than I should’ve been, when I heard snickering behind me. Embarrassed I started walking faster, but in my non-weather appropriate footwear that wasn’t such a good idea. I, of course, slipped and in my attempt to keep from falling on my ass I accidentally grabbed the side mirror of a car, nearly tearing it off. It was all sorts of awesome, since the car belonged to the laugher.
So, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want. Not to look like a dumb ass in public, but I don’t see that happening anytime soon.
Jess had the girls over last night for a PJ party. Over dessert we discussed sex toys. The conversation was much like the one every man imagines, only we didn’t have a pillow fight in our panties afterwards.
I regaled the girls with a story of my mother and her body massager from The Sharper Image. Everyone knows those massager’s aren’t intended for use on your back. I tried explaining this to my mom, but she wouldn’t listen. One weekend when both Ben and I were home my mom’s neighbor and her young daughter came over to visit.
My mom admitted I was right, and started calling it her vibrator, but still left it in the front room anyway. Which makes for VERY awkward moments when she looks at Ben and asks him to bring her the vibrator every time her neck hurts. And people wonder why Ben is so weird…
I can’t decide to laugh about this, or eat a container of ice cream and cry. A cougar? Seriously, George? Our imaginary cuddle affair is over!
Rest assured little Georgie, if I get married due to your post you can skim 10% off the wedding gifts and money. But stay away from my bridesmaids!
Jessica: How was the rest of your weekend?
me: Spectacular!
Jessica: Oh really? That’s great! Do tell…
me: Ira Glass yesterday=BRILLIANT!
Jessica: Oh, right. My office mate, said the same thing. She has a crush on him.
me: Ditto!
Jessica: What did he talk about?
me: He was great. He played some of the better clips, talked about where he gets show ideas, gave advice on people doing their own documentaries.
BUT, forgot to proclaim his love for me, which was sort of annoying!
Jessica: That happened to me when I went to see Mo Rocca. I thought for sure I was going to become engaged that night. But no. He regaled us with his high kicks, and then went home.
me: People are stupid. Don’t they know how fabulous we are?!
Jessica: I don’t think they do. I can’t speak for Ira, but I’m pretty sure Mo is blinded by his gayness.
me: I think Ira just forgot.
Jessica: He might have had a lot on his mind, what with performing and all. He’ll probably call you today to apologize for being such a dork…
me: I’ve got my phone in my pocket, just in case. It’ll happen.
When Tommy is in town the majority of free-time is spent at Murphy’s. He’s worth the lung cancer I’m convinced I’ve developed over the last few days. He left this morning, so last night the troops rallied to give him a proper send-off. I promised myself I’d only stay a couple of hours, but that never seems to work. I also promised myself I’d not have any embarrassing moments, which also didn’t seem to work.
Miss D, my all-time favorite woman of the group, was there. I’ve not seen her as she’s been gallivanting around Europe, leaving us to fend for ourselves. (Many Hootie songs were heard on her behalf.) In my excitement to see her I didn’t pay much attention to the others sitting at the table. I started talking to her and another friend about my dating life and in typical Sarah fashion ended the story by uttering the term “dry-humping.” It was at that moment Miss D looked at the man sitting across from her and said, “Sarah, this is my father.” I could feel a slow burn rising to my cheeks and said, “OF course it is!” Miss D laughed and said something about another classic Sarah moment.
He had a great sense of humor and wasn’t bothered at all. Luckily my dating life is in a lull these days; otherwise, I’m afraid of what other non-parental term I may have uttered in front of him.
Later in the evening I was looking for my purse and found it tucked away at his table. I’m guessing he sensed my lack of responsibility and decided he better keep an eye out for me. And I’m sure glad he did! I need all the help I can get.
I had a math test last night. In a frantic rush to get out the door I didn’t take the time to look for my cute Hello Kitty pencil Mrs. Ak brought me from Japan, instead just grabbed the first pencil in my junk drawer. I tossed it and a calculator into my bag and was off.
It wasn’t until half way through the test when I needed to erase something that I noticed the penis pencil topper. I’m not in the habit of adding extra male anatomy to already semi-phallic items–this was all Quinn-diesel’s doing. Last year when he spruced my my pen and pencil jar I laughed and shoved in in a drawer, forgetting about it until today.
As silly as I felt I still scored my highest thus far. Now the debate begins: do I take my good luck pencil back next week, or pass the good luck on and stash it in a co-workers office?
I went to brunch today with Mrs. AK and Little AK. While we were (im)patiently waiting for our pancakes Little AK made her daily list of things to do.
1. Be cute
2. Wear pink
3. Laugh at Arlo
4. Laugh at Ben
5. Be smart
6. Don’t whine
7. Watch Hannah Montana
After reading her list I realized we have the exact same day planned, excluding Hannah Montana of course, as I had already planned to watch Gilmore Girls.
I have so much to be thankful this year…
I’m thankful I have loving and loyal friends who are family to me. Especially Mrs. AK, who despite being British, planned an all-American Thanksgiving feast complete with a child’s place setting for Ben.
Speaking of family, even though my parents decided to spend the holiday amongst drug dealers and elderly vacationers, I’m extremely thankful I have both a mom and a dad. I’m also thankful I have such cool brothers, a sister-in-law that I adore, and the most amazing niece and nephew in the entire world.
I could on, but I won’t. There’s cooking to be done. Granted I’ll just be watching, but watch I shall! Obviously I’ll be paying closer attention to our Canadian friend’s ass, than I will any food preparation, but have complete faith he won’t poison me. I think.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!