Thanks!
At dinner with friends last night—a dinner I skipped a party to go to—all I could think about was getting home and putting my jammies on. My friend was talking and if asked I wouldn’t have been able to repeat a single thing he said, because I was too busy trying to decide which jammies I’d put on when I got home.
Internally I’m going over my options: pink stripped pug pj’s, pink flannel pj bottoms, my princess sweats… the list goes on and on. From an innocent bystanders view I probably looked intently interested in every word spoken. I wasn’t. I suck.
It’s safe to say hibernation weather is just around the corner.
I’ve been living the life of a pioneer for two days. I’d kill for a pink bonnet! Luckily, my power was restored just in time to catch up on Google Talk with my friend Dave while in Peru. The jerk travels more than Ben clips his toenails. I kid you not!
David: So I thought you might be amused to know that I have managed to develop some kind of infection right in the middle of my trip.
me: No way. Chlamydia again?
David: It started in my throat and is spreading to my lungs right now. Syphilis this time.
me: So full blown aids? I’m sorry
David: I’ve got Beastman Jungle AIDS!
me: Will you live long enough to spread it to others? Do your part, man!
David: I’m gonna try to reduce the population as much as I can while I still have time!
me: Al Gore would be so proud… there’s really no better way to conserve natural resources than to kill off the population one STD at a time. You’re such a martyr.
David: Perhaps there will be 78 virgins or whatever waiting for me in heaven when I die.
me: I think God and Al Gore owe you at least that…
A friend and I were discussing relationships last night over drinks. The previous woman he’d been dating wasn’t exactly monogamous. Now that he’s back on the prowl, I thought it might be fun to practice my matchmaking skills. Asking him what he looks for in a woman, thinking he’d provide the basics: pretty, smart and most importantly a great rack.
Nope.
“Well, if she wasn’t screwing someone else she would have been fantastic. So available is a start.”
And this was proven by ogling every ring less waitress the remainder of the evening. Like a true friend, I helped.
Guest Blog by Just Some Guy
Okay so yes I’m the one that tried to talk Sarah into moving to Boise, and no it wasn’t for sexual reasons. My biggest problem now is that Sarah missed the greatest day of the year in Idaho. I like to call it coming out day for Republicans. I’m usually not political at all but if you knew Larry Craig then a) your gaydar would go off too and b) you’d love the hypocrisy of his political views.
My political joyous rant is now over.
Alright Sarah asked me to guest blog on her trip to Potatoland and I must say judging from some of your comments maybe I should be the one moving to Utah. Funny how I wasn’t “Hott!!!” when I lived there. Oh well I’m not bitter…yes I am.
I just want to give you some highlights of Sarah quotes:
“Seeing all these cows on the way up I really want a burger”
Then she got one, and got immediate nausea.
“How do you not have a mirror?”
For the record I do have one, it just doesn’t show what shoes I’m wearing apparently. Which shouldn’t matter anyway because, Sarah forgot her shoes and wore the single pair of flip flops she brought with her. I guess they go with everything after all.
“I just want to lay down here and stay forever.”
Yes that was in the wine aisle at Albertsons where Sarah learned that when idiot conservative church going republicans don’t make liquor laws you can have a better consumer experience while grocery shopping.
“What do you mean your internet is out?”
I have seen heroin addicts with better ability to deal with their addiction. It’s okay Stella James needed the rest I think.
“How sturdy do you think her bike lock is?”
Yes Sarah wanted to steal a woman’s pink cruiser. Even better was her rationale of, “look there’s another one she can just steal hers”
While SLC’s favorite blogger may never move to my fair state of Ada County I will say that I doubt she’ll make the amount of Idaho jokes she did before. After all I can walk to the store and pick up a bottle of “Little Pink Truck” anytime I want to. So there.
It was nice to get away for a couple days, but man does it feel good to be home. I missed my beast of a dog and my own bed. Boise does have better liquor laws, but it doesn’t have mountains or my friends. Needless to say, I won’t be moving there anytime soon.
Of course I brought home as much wine and REAL beer as my little car could carry. I called Ben last night to arrange a pickup for his share of the wealth. Before I got a chance to tell him why I was calling, he let me know he found a good shop to replace the struts in my car. I don’t recall asking him about that, but maybe he was just preparing for the damage hundreds and hundreds of dollars in wine weight can do to a car.
I have a brilliant new playlist on my iPod. To celebrate I’m road tripping to Boise for the weekend. A pretty boy I know there has agreed to put me up for the weekend. In return I have agreed to eat all his food and drink all his wine. How could I pass up an offer like that? Exactly!
You’ve read her name on here before, and may have noticed her blog. But do you really know Midge, and don’t you wonder where I got her?
Marjorie and I met in 2000… I think. A male friend of mine met her on LDSSO.com. Yes, really. The day after their first date I asked him how it went. He described her as pretty, sarcastic and had enough sass to back it all up. “She opened the door with a cocktail in hand. I hated her, but you two would be PERFECT for one another!” And we were. I’ve long since lost track of him, but Midge was the best thing he could have ever done for me. I’ve loved her ever since our first date to Red Rock, even if she did smoke Newports.
I call her Midge because that’s Barbie’s best friend. But you knew that, didn’t you?
A friend and I were running errands today. And by errands I mean the liquor store for Stoli, and Smiths for mixers.
“Why in the world did I get a tampon coupon for purchasing lemonade? That makes no sense, whatsoever!”
“You bought sugar-free lemonade–only a girl would buy that.”
It’s the little things that make me smile.
Did you know if you wear a bike helmet when peddling home drunk, you’re safer and cuter? A friend proved that to me last night. It almost makes me want to pull out my beach cruiser and ride from bar to bar—almost. I bought a bike two summers ago, for that very reason. Has it happened? No. Will it? Probably not. The street I live on has a slight incline and I can’t be bothered to ride uphill. Can you see why I’m not a mountain biker?
At the beginning of the summer I pulled the bike out with the brilliant idea that if I painted it pink—rather then it’s current blue color—I would ride it more, or at all. I searched until I found the perfect shade of pink paint. When I got ready to paint it, I realized I’d have to pull the bike apart to properly paint it. And if you pull something apart the rules of the universe clearly state you must put it back together. Needless to say, I didn’t tear the bike apart. My bike is not pink. My bike is not currently being ridden.
I’ll just have to live vicariously through my friend’s riding adventures. Maybe I can paint his helmet pink. I do have the paint…