DSC_2892

Contact

I love hearing from readers, not as much as I love wine, but a VERY close second!

Thanks!

My Life is Complete

NKOTB UTAH!

My new blog list may not be complete yet, but my life goal certainly is!

Finally I get a chance to see New Kids on the Block again. Milinda and I saw them play on BYU campus when we were in eighth grade. We’re going together again, and this time I’ve promised her I won’t wear a lime green stretchy outfit. Thankfully it is at a different venue this time around. I really don’t want us to get caught at BYU with a flask. I’m terrified of the Mormon police punishing me with a lifetime sentence of polygamy. Eek!

Thanks to everyone who left comments and a link on yesterday’s blog. For me, as a blogger, my favorite part of this site is reading your comments. I can’t wait to delve into all the blog links left. It’s a big list so give me a couple of days to read them all. I’ll get a list of all the links together and post it soon. I promise. But, in the meantime, I have to go put NKOTB’s new song “Summertime” on repeat. Not because I’m obsessed, but because it’s awesome.

In Utah This Week–Issue #99

sarahcolumn12.jpg

In Utah This Week–Pick Your Poison: Bret Michaels chooses his whoriffic winner of ‘Rock of Love,’ then melts hearts in SLC.

When I heard the “Rock of Love” tour was coming to Salt Lake City, there was only one thing to do: GO!

I’ve loved Bret Michaels since that fateful day in junior high school when the bus driver played Every Rose Has Its Thorn on the way home from school. I was thirteen years old; I was in love. I begged and begged my mother to buy me a Poison tape but she refused– she wasn’t big on glam metal. If she had her way, I would have fawned over John Denver, not some lead singer of a band named Poison. That’s right folks; I’ve been disappointing mothers since 1975.

Sunday night my friend, and fellow groupie, Aimee headed out to the ‘burbs to see our beloved perform. As it turns out we weren’t the only girls up for a night of wild Bret. The place was absolutely packed. Luckily, we managed to bypass the line that wrapped around the building, and headed straight in to meet with the tour manager. I begged him to tell me who had won Bret Michael’s heart, but instead he directed me to the bar where the “Rock of Love 2” season finale was to going to be aired shortly.

After ordering our obligatory vodka tonics, we found a quiet corner with a TV just in time to watch the show starting. It wasn’t long before our quiet corner turned into a madhouse. Everyone wanted to see which stripperesque contestant Michaels chose. Out of the two finalists, Amber and Daisy, I liked Amber much better, but appreciate Daisy for the crazy train-wreck that she is. When Michaels announced that Amber was indeed his rock of love, the crowd erupted with cheers and deafening whistles. Apparently train-wreck Daisy wasn’t a favorite of anyone but her plastic surgeon, who incidentally, should be shot for the horrible lip injections she was seen sporting throughout the show.

Shortly after the finale finished, the main event started. I really had no idea what to expect. I didn’t actually read the press release past his name and date of the show. What I thought would be Michaels and a parade of the women from his show, was really an intimate concert with just my beloved. Aimee and I were able to snag a great spot near the stage. I wanted to be close enough to see the sweat glisten off his body, and thankfully I was. The chosen song for Michaels to come on stage to was Guns and Roses’ “Welcome to the Jungle.” I thought it sort of an odd choice since it wasn’t a Poison song, but once he was on stage he announced he’d not only be singing some of his old stuff, but some of his favorite cover songs.

I’ve got to hand it to him; the guy can certainly rock a microphone. After a few songs, he had his bodyguard from the TV show, Big John, pass out beers to the audience. I’m never, ever, throwing that bottle away.

The remainder of the show was mind-blowing; I’m just as much in love with him as ever. And as for the V.I.P. after party? What happens backstage stays backstage. Sorry kids, but my lips are sealed.

Upset you missed the fun? Don’t fret–Bret Michaels is coming back to SLC on July 3rd to kick off his summer Poison tour– info at www.poisonweb.com.

My Vagina Has a First Name

Rlo found himself “accidentally” listening to The Bangles when he was listening to my iTunes. He wasn’t too thrilled and the following conversation is the result:

Me: What’s wrong with the bangles? NOTHING that’s what.

Rlo: And you give AK a hard time?

Me: I do? For what?

Rlo: Loving 80s music.

Me: Dude, The Bangles don’t count. They are a chick band–I’m soooo pro chick in a non-lesbian sort of way.

Rlo: You have the most versatile vagina around. You vote with it, listen to music with it, and pretty much just do whatever it tells you to.

Me: So what.

Rlo: You are so your vagina’s bitch.

Me: Oh Rlo, you’re just jealous because the last vagina you saw was in a textbook.

And then he immediately stopped talking to me. I can’t imagine why.

Going Ghetto

Driving into work today I accidentally had my iPod gangsta mix playing. Don’t judge me! Actually you can, I certainly would.

My phone rang and I hit speaker and answered it assuming it would be my brother bugging me about his latest prison tool obsession. It wasn’t. It was a client. Which is cool, I’m all for the clients I like calling me. Though, I have a feeling she may have a difficult time taking me serious after hearing “Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta” blaring in the background.

Oh well, such is life… you can’t win them all.

Shaking it for Baby Jesus

It was a rough night last night. It started when I couldn’t drive up my brother’s semi-steep driveway due to massive amounts of snow, immediately followed with forgetting the garage code.

When we finally got into the house the alarm went off. I couldn’t get it to stop and Carter immediately started to cry. Followed by Hannah yelling because Carter wouldn’t stop crying. Ten very loud minutes later I convinced the alarm company I wasn’t there to harm the children, because if so, I would have DONE IT ALREADY!

I knew there was only one thing that would cheer the little buggers up: “Baby Got Back.”

And it so, so did:
The fact the kids now know the word horny guarantees I’ll never be asked to stay overnight with the kids again. It was totally worth it.

Rock of Sarah

Sarah Nielson, Salt Lake City

Bret Michaels is coming for me! Or Arlo. Either way… awesome!

Precious Cargo

Working full-time, going to school full-time and making time to watch Snoop Dogg’s Father Hood doesn’t leave me with a whole lot of free time. Fitting in daily tasks such as grocery shopping, sleeping and working out has been a challenge.

Yesterday, while lunching with a co-worker, we decided to try and fit in a liquor store run. The weekend is nearly upon us and I was completely out of wine. Unacceptable. The trip was a complete success; my favorite Shiraz was on sale. Getting into his car to head back to work I heard my mother’s nagging “Buckle-up, Sarah, safety first.” So I did.

A couple of blocks from the office a SUV next to us forgot to check lanes before moving over. (Is it really that difficult?) The vehicle nearly hit us and it was that moment I realized I’d buckled the wrong seat belt.
SarahBellum Blog, tales of wit and charm

Presidential Pop Stars

I love this post!

It reminds me of the great Hillary Duff incident of ’06.

I was standing in line when the woman behind me commented on my Hillary ‘08 shirt, “Oh My God, I loooooove Hillary Duff. She’s coming in ’08? That’s so exciting!”

Had she been a kid I’d have gone along with her, but she was a middle-aged woman. She should have known better. “No, this is a Hillary Clinton shirt. You know the Hillary who isn’t twelve?”

I could have been nicer, I guess, but I was just annoyed since that encounter wasn’t the first. In hindsight, I should have just bought the Duff shirt and been done with it.

Ten Songs for Dry Humping

veryGEORGE! is very bossy. After much prodding on his part I’m finally posting the top songs I’d dry hump to. To read his rules and post go here. I’ve never been one to keep rules and I’m certainly not going to start now. Since I’ve not been a teenager in a very long time and I sincerely doubt I’ve ever dry humped as much as George so I’m only posting ten songs.

Sade–Smooth Operator
How I spent 1996. Enough said.
Guns N’ Roses–November Rain
I was sixteen and horny once. In fact, I’m positive this was the song I made out to on multiple occasions in the eleventh grade. Ahhh, the good old days.
Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam
Come on, admit it… we’ve all had the hots for the Mormon Jesus. Those blue eyes and beautiful blond locks.
Mazzy Star–Fade Into You
Find me someone that doesn’t think naughty thoughts during this song and I’ll do my best to change that.
I Hope They Call Me on Mission
Clean cut guys in suits are hot. I did my part in corrupting a few over the years.
Ben Folds Five–The Luckiest
I’ve always loved this song. And fondly remember trying to get my Mormon boyfriend to have sex while listening. I lost.
Heather Nova–Blood of Me
She’s totally girl crush hot AND says the fuck word sexier than any female singer alive.
Journey–Faithfully
I don’t care that George already used this one. It just breeds teenage humping. I’m pretty sure it was responsible for the great hickey incident of 1993.
Al Green–I’m Still in Love With You
Do I really need to explain this one? Total hump music.
The Sundays–Wild Horses
Sexy, sexy, SEXY!

You’ll notice there isn’t any recent music on this list because since last year’s dry hump incident I’ve sworn off of it.

Single-Handedly Supporting The Cyrus Family

Little AK loves Hannah Montana. She’s four, so I mostly refrain from making fun of her. When I got home yesterday there was brown package sitting on my doorstep. I got excited thinking maybe it was something that I had ordered last week for myself. No such luck. It was the singing Hannah Montana doll I ordered for Little AK’s birthday on Saturday, which reminded me I still needed to pick up her Christmas present. While Marky and I were out running errands yesterday I picked up CD for her. Yup, you guessed it, yet another Hannah Montana product.

As I was paying the cashier picked up the CD and said, “This is SUCH a great CD! I just love her music.” “Cool, but it’s not for me. It’s for a friend’s daughter,” I said. “Look lady, a lot of women your age buy this CD. There’s no reason to be embarrassed. It’s really good music.” At this point I was totally annoyed, why would I lie about it? Seriously. I proudly admit to listening to Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer; clearly I have no problem admitting to horrible taste in music. “This music is for kids, it’s not really an adult genre. Can you just ring it up and let me go home please?” Without another word he did just that.

Fast forward to today.

I walk into my office and am just settling in when Ashley walks in and said, “I bought a Hannah Montana song on iTunes. It’s really, really good. You have to listen.” I made fun of her a little bit and then gave it a listen.

And you know what? That stupid cashier was right.