Thanks!
Sometimes RLO likes to pretend I’m not the most important person in his life, which is obviously ridiculous. However, last night I discovered the truth; I’m way more important than his other friends and even his family. Look who’s first on his phone’s favorites:
Yeah, and if that wasn’t enough proof look at who is so important they get a two-day birthday:
Not his grandpa, but me. I rest my case.
Last night RLO and I decided to take our relationship to the next level.
Calm down, we didn’t hump–it was far more spiritual than physical. RLO introduced me to one of his Mormon friends.
He and one of his female friends had plans to go grab some dinner, and he invited me to come along. It’s always made me feel bad that he keeps me so separate from his other friends, so I happily accepted.
On the way there I started to worry that we’d have nothing in common and the conversation would be not only lacking, but also boring as hell. Luckily that wasn’t the case. The only one bored was RLO. His friend and I talked about The Hills and Gilmore Girls. It was glorious to have someone besides Mrs. AK and Kelli to discuss LC’s newest fingernail polish shade. Which, by the way, I’m liking the purple looking black. So much in fact I’m going to find the shade and make RLO paint my nails. It’s the perfect way to compliment the new ring he picked out for me. Don’t get too excited, it was plastic ring from Forever 21, but that doesn’t make it any less special, or him less gay.
I’ve seen a lot of the blogs I read using Wordle which makes a work cloud based off your blog URL. Instead of using my blog I used Twitter, as I wanted to use it as my background image there. When I saw the results I nearly fell over laughing. It’s like the Internet really gets me, way more than any of the guys I’ve dated. In fact I’m pretty sure it’s a sign I should marry the Internet, or at least go to second base!
My friend Matt is ruining my life. Seriously. I probably see that little man bitch three times a year. I have no idea what he’s doing with his life, yet he knows all about my life since he reads my blog. He’s so familiar with my blog he pointed out which friends I’d forgotten to include in my character section.
To shut Matt up here’s his bio:
I’ve known Matt since 1997. The first time we met he introduced himself and my response was something like, “Why the fuck do I care?” He’s hated me ever since. And by hate I mean he secretly likes me, but insists on giving me shit every time he sees me to retain street credit. His hobbies include biking, wearing chain wallets, and reminding me of every crappy guy I’ve ever dated.
I made the mistake of letting Matt taking our friend Awna for a ride on my scooter last night. He purposely broke it because my night ended like this:
Driving home my scooter just stopped. I called my brother, Ben, and RLO to rescue me. Realizing it was too late, and too dark to fix it properly they loaded up my baby and drove her away.
Obviously I’m blaming this all on Matt. I think it’s the right thing to do, don’t you?
I wanted to be reminded of the insanity a lifetime of loneliness can cause, so RLO and I went to see Harold and Maude play at the Gallivan Center last night, as part of the Sundance Outdoor Film Festival.
Seeing one of my favorite cult classic movies play outdoors on 35 mm film is the perfect way to spend a summer evening. RLO, however, would disagree. Which may have something to do with the older woman next to him farting very loudly. He sure can’t seem to escape gassy people and gassy dogs lately.
We took the scooter so I could practice driving with a passenger. I’ve mastered riding alone, but have a little trouble still with someone on the back. Usually I just make RLO drive me around town, but he’s finally decided it’s time I learn. Really I think he’s just lazy—add that to the list of reasons to hate him.
On the drive back from the movie RLO said, “I’m riding bitch on a pink scooter, holding a pink blanket. Now all I need is a box of tampons and I’ll be the textbook definition of neutered.”
I laughed, but had to stop and think, which looks worse: RLO riding bitch on a pink scooter, or RLO driving a pink scooter.
Internet, what do you think?!
Sometimes I think the Internet loves RLO more than they love me. The majority of my email lately has been questions about him. He’s stealing my thunder. Bastard.
In typical jealous girl fashion I present you with a list of RLO facts that may cause you all to love him a little less, and me a whole lot more.
1) RLO is moody. Not moody all the time like I am, but if he doesn’t get his sleep he’s a pissy little bitch.
2) RLO plays the piano. Sure, one may believe that’s a good trait, but the only songs I’ve ever heard him play are Billy Joel. Also, his piano is in his bedroom, which makes me wonder who exactly he is wooing into his bed.
3) RLO hates Daisy. I have no idea how anyone could hate that sweet, little innocent pug. Sure she farts up a storm and barks at him, but she’s only barking because he hates her. Yesterday when we were outside with her, he told her there were treats in the road. Who tries to lure a dog onto a very busy street? A horrible person, that’s who.
Obviously RLO is an evil man. I’m doing everyone a favor by befriending him–keeping him busy keeps him from ruining the world. That almost makes me a super hero, right? Saving the world is very important business. If I’m not acquiring super hero status, I at least deserve some sort of prize, or medal for my heroic actions. Something sparkly and pink will do.
Last night at the Clap Your Hands Say Yeah concert someone Rlo knew walked by. He, of course, didn’t introduce me.
He pretends he’s protecting me from his Mormon friends and their wild heathen activities such as praying, and talking reverently about Jesus or kittens. However, I know the truth: he’s protecting them from me and my need to use the word fuck at least 3,000 times a day.
“Was that one of your Mormons or school friends?”
“She’s a Mormon friend, and a nurse.”
“Another one? How many naughty nurse friends do you have?”
“Let’s just say I’m covered in the sponge bath department.”
“Ohhh, if I ever get too lazy to shower can I borrow them?”
Rlo looked at me in disgust and said, “No, Sarah, I’ll hire that out. It’s worth the money.”
I see absolutely no reason why Rlo should be embarrassed of my extreme laziness. If anything he should be pleased, especially now during the Olympics. Where’s his sense of competitive pride? I’d fire him, but he’s irreplaceable.
Last Thursday RLO and I went to the Twilight Concert Series. Thankfully, the last couple of concerts have been much better than the overcrowded first one.
Since Thursday night is kickball night I haven’t been able to see many of my friends there. Silly Hannah and Chelsea for picking kickball madness over drunken debauchery in a public venue. I love my girls, but obviously they are insane. I’ll have to change their minds over cupcakes soon.
Five minutes into the set RLO and I decided Nada Surf is the love child of Modest Mouse and Primus with a mad case of fetal alcohol syndrome. Maybe it’s being old, or maybe it’s missing my girlfriends, whatever the case I needed some nourishment that didn’t come in the form of fermented grapes in a plastic cup, so we left before seeing the next band in lieu of dinner at Red Rock.
Next week, however, I’m staying the entire night even if I have to take a cot and nap between set!
**Edit**
Thanks to RockandCookies and Theorris for pointing out that we did not in fact see Nada Surf, but the opening band. I already forgot the name and I just barely read the comments, because I’m too busy feeling bad I didn’t see Little Bit again. Didn’t think it sounded right but went ahead and believed the website to be correct. Gallivan FAILS!
Last night I went to AK and Mrs. AK’s house for dinner and Project Runway/Project Keith reruns. Since RLO wasn’t there to complain I brought Daisy along. How anyone couldn’t love her is beyond me. It just proves he’s not as nice as you guys think.
Little C was thrilled Daisy was there. She dressed her up in the skirt she wore to see High School Musical and chased her around the kitchen with a handful of glitter. Daisy looked at me to save her but i ignored that pleading little puppy face. I wasn’t about to risk Little C wanting to chase me around the kitchen with glitter. I love the hell out of that little girl, but even I have my limits. NO GLITTER without Rlo.
RLO is the most amazing person ever. Well maybe not ever, I mean ever is a long time. Let’s just stick to RLO is the most amazing person right now.
Last night he came over to help me study for my math final I’m flunking taking later today. I’m proud to announce there was no yelling, no crying and no freaking out. Wait. There was a little freaking out, but it was on his part for once. He nearly lost it when I touched him after touching Daisy without washing my hands first, because OH MY GOD who knows where that dog has been! Sometimes I like to piss him off so he’ll appreciate all the other times when I’m so very sweet to him.
After our tutoring session he took me for frozen yogurt because I was so well-behaved. And because he was so nice, and didn’t smack me over the head with my algebra book when I asked stupid questions, I let him drive me around on the scooter.
As we were eating our yogurt I mentioned Ben hadn’t gone with me to purchase a helmet yet. “Sarah,” he said, “because they probably won’t prosecute Ben for killing you when you wreck and die, I want you to know I’ll take him to civil court for you.”
RLO is seriously the sweetest guy. He’d sue my brother for wrongful death once I’m gone. I did make him promise to take the money and get a tattoo that reads: I miss my BFF Sarah. He wholeheartedly agreed.
I’m having the design made up, just in case.
