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I’ve been known to be a tad demanding. My friends and family will be the first to tell you this. I expect a lot from people, it’s just the way I was made. I’ve learned over the years people can often disappoint me. Case in point: Arlo.

I asked Arlo to teach me to make perogies Wednesday night. He happily agreed to my face, but then behind my back he tried to cut own hand off with a dull kitchen knife in order to get out of teaching me. Perhaps he’s lazy; perhaps he’s trying to avoid seeing me hurt, like last time. Whatever the case, the lad is just so thoughtless and cruel. I don’t think five stitches is a good excuse for breaking promises. Ever.

I’m going to peek under his bandages to be sure he’s telling the truth. Like I tell my three-year-old niece, Hannah, boys lie AND carry cooties, therefore cannot be trusted.

I opened the email, and contrary to the promise, I’m still worried.
Mostly about the following:

1) Who will get the Republican nomination.
2) Driving in the snow.
3) Who will get cut on the next Project Runway.
4) How I’m going to pass my math class.
5) If my bread pudding burn is going to scar.
6) Why my bank about never seems to have a surplus of cash.
7) If yellow tail shiraz is still on sale.
8) If Arlo is going to kick me out of life for making fun of his middle name.

You know important stuff.

I think the universe is telling me to go on a diet. Which sucks because Arlo has promised me I can drown my sorrows in his chocolate, I suppose that’s as naughty as he can be without pissing his bishop off. He’s already skating on thin ice with his God for being friends with me at all.

After an especially crummy day a friend came over to have some dinner and watch the debates. We called to order a pizza and were told they were closed for an hour and to call back. No biggie, it was worth the wait since they have wheat crust. An hour later I called back and was told they were filming a movie and would be closed all night.

Bummer.

We then ordered Chinese food online from Sam Pan, because it’s easier than speaking to actual human beings. An hour and a half later I called to see why our food hadn’t arrived. They didn’t have our order. Stupid technology. Growing moodier by the second I re-ordered and was promised it would arrive in one hour. Thirty minutes later they called and had trouble processing the credit card because it was one number short. We went through the order again.

One hour and fifteen minutes later I had food. It’s never taken three hours to get food to my apartment. Clearly the universe thinks I’m fat and is throwing hints my way. The universe is an ass, but I get the hint and will hit the gym this weekend. When I’m done eating Arlo’s chocolate, of course.

Bret Michaels is coming for me! Or Arlo. Either way… awesome!

“Arlo, will you sit there? I don’t want to sit by a stranger.”

“Sarah, that’s not a stranger that’s Ross. He’s with us.”

“He is? I don’t know him.”

“Yeah, you do. You’ve met him a couple of times.”

“Ohhh, was he the one dressed like a woman for Halloween?”

“Yes… a geisha.”

“Okay, then I definitely don’t want to sit by him.”

My first Sundance movie is tonight. Let the festival begin!

I just hope Arlo doesn’t let me fall if/when I slip on the ice this year. Last year when it happened I was nice about it. This year that won’t be happening.

I’ll punch him.

Hard.

To read this week’s column go here!

Maddie and I welcomed 2008 by kissing our shared date. He’s a very lucky lad even if he does need to be constantly reminded of this. He’s laughing because I licked him. As far as personal space violations go I think he had it easy. I’m the one who was sniffed earlier in the evening.

Yes, sniffed.

Drunk people tend to overlook personal space rules, which is normally fine but when my ponytail is picked up and sniffed I tend to get a little creeped out. However, I coped with a bottle of wine and felt much better.

I hope everyone had a great night!

Little AK’s birthday was a wild success. I drank good wine, had chocolate cake and heard 15 kids screeching all at once, reminding me I’m no where near ready for parenthood. Luckily I had the foresight to take Advil in advance.

My favorite part of the party took place this morning, long after I’d gone home.

Mrs. AK: “Go get the Hannah Montana doll so I can open it for you.”

Little AK: “I thought Daisy’s Sarah took it home.”

Mrs. AK: “You mean Arlo?”

Little AK: “Oh yeah, I mean Arlo.”

I love the way kids think! I belong to Daisy and not the other way around. And that she didn’t question Arlo stealing her toys, and in fact sort of expected it.

Last night I had dinner with Arlo and the AK’s. AK made his famous mozza ball soup. Yup, I ate balls for dinner, and in typical sophomoric fashion I giggled through the entire meal.

I showed up in jeans but quickly shed them for a pair of comfy pink pj pants. I’m not in the habit of taking my pj’s everywhere, but the AK’s are family so it’s perfectly acceptable to opt for comfort over cute.

AK was quite concerned when I didn’t put my jeans back on to leave. “Sarah, it’s snowing out there. If you get in a wreck you will have to go to the hospital wearing that!”He was horrified at the thought. So I did something completely out of character: I drove slow.