Thanks!
It’s been a rough week, but rather than enter meltdown mode I decided to take a break from studying and spend time with Daisy the Pug. Poor girl hasn’t had any attention lately.
So maybe not quality pet time, but seeing the container stuck to her head made me laugh. I really needed that laugh, so I’m sure she’ll forgive me. Or she’ll get all passive-aggressive with her farts. I’ve lived through worse.
My life is a series of embarrassing moments. Today’s embarrassment is brought to you in part by a tube of lipstick.
Normally I’m not a lipstick person. If you open my purse you’ll find Hello Kitty glitter lip-gloss and my standby Dr Pepper Lip Smacker. Shut up, it tastes good and the color is pretty. Today, however, I wore real lipstick. Not necessarily because I wanted to, but because my DP lip-gloss was missing.
I forgot about my heavily made-up lips and went to school.
As I was leaving the paid parking lot I put the parking slips between my lips. I needed both hands to rummage through my bag for money. I handed the parking slip and a twenty-dollar bill to the middle-aged parking attendant. The guy who flirts with every day, which I blatantly ignore. He looked at the parking slip and spotted what looked like an intentional lipstick kiss.
“Oh Sarah, thank you for the kiss. I wondered when that would finally happen.”
Oh God.
This sucks on so many levels. Now, in an effort to avoid him, I’ll be forced to park in student parking. Which is good, I guess, since I drove off without my change. College educations are so damn expensive.
When I decided to go back to school full-time to finish my degree I knew there would be consequences. I just didn’t know there would be so many.
Over the past year I have neglected my friends and family, gained weight and stopped dating altogether. My free time was limited and I had to spend most of it studying. At least once a week I wanted to quit school. I missed my friends. I missed hanging out with my brothers, and I definitely missed having a real paycheck.
I constantly questioned whether or not finishing my degree was worth it. Today I received my graduation evaluation, and quickly realized it really was worth it.
BOO-YAH! I’m almost there!
I’ll be the first grandchild in the Nielson clan to graduate from the University of Utah. Cousins have graduated from other great schools, and even the much-hated BYU. However, I’ll be the only one to graduate from the same school that my uncles and father graduated from. This gives me a huge sense of family pride AND something to hold over all the cousins who graduated years ahead of me, which was really the end goal.
My In Utah This Week column this week sort of makes me sound like a spoiled brat who loves spending money, which I’m not. In fact, just yesterday, I passed up on the cutest footed pajamas because I couldn’t stand the thought of spending $30 on them.
The older I get, the less I want to spend money. Soon I’ll be cashing in on Sizzler coupons for a steak and casing the streets for junk people are throwing out.
In a world where every freaking animal has its own strain of flu, you’d think people would learn that spreading germs is a bad thing.
YOU WOULD THINK.
In my political analysis class there’s this dude who has been sick for two months straight. Every single day, buckets of snot pour from his nose. He doesn’t leave the classroom to blow his nose; instead he does it in class. It’s absolutely disgusting and I’m convinced I’m going to catch whatever he’s got. I’m such a snot snob. I insist that blowing your nose should take place in a bathroom where you can wash your hands afterward. Is that really too much to ask? I’m paying for an education, not the flu.
I’m going to feel really horrible if I find out he has some sort of incurable illness, but for now his only diagnosis is inconsiderate asshole. Currently there is no known cure for this.
This semester I’ve learned that casual relationships and causal relationships are not the same thing. Typos are my bitch. I’ve also learned that under stress numbers sorta look the same.
For example, over the weekend I decided to run my DARS report to make sure I was on target to graduate in December. In the report I read that I still needed 16 credits. Do you see that anywhere in this report?
Yeah, I didn’t think so. Congratulate yourself on being smarter than I am.
In a panic I sent numerous emails and left voice mails for my adviser. I went on and on about how my sanity and bank account couldn’t handle another semester. I begged her to help me find a solution. I may or may not have been crying in two of the voice mails. Sure it’s only one class and not the end of the world, but I’m just ready to be done.
She emailed me back today to let me know what you guys already know: I’m bad with details. I have everything I need to graduate in December, EXCEPT my application for graduation that was due in June.
Thank God for late fees people. Seriously.
As usual school is kicking my ass. I’m struggling to balance work, school and personal hygiene. This morning I was in such a rush to leave the house that I didn’t brush my teeth. Shut up. That’s why Baby Jesus invented gum.
I realized my transgression halfway through my first class. While rummaging through my purse for gum I felt something that didn’t belong. Much to the surprise of my classmates I pulled out a giant cucumber.
Rather than explain it was from my mother’s garden and going to be my lunch I just kept my mouth shut. I knew I’d somehow end up talking about tossing a salad, AND there’s just no recovery from that. So instead I threw the cucumber back into my purse, unwrapped a piece of gum and continued taking notes because that’s the kind of Monday I’ve had.
The University of Utah is a dry campus so this is as close to a bar as I’ll be getting. Insert sigh, loud wail, and pouting here.
I’m four classes away from my college degree and all I can think about is my graduation party. This thing had better be amazing since it was DECADES in the making. Now, I just need to find some sucker to plan it, because I’ll be far too busy trying to pass Mass Comm Law, well, and admiring my back-to-school outfit.
Seriously, how cute is that pink shirt? It made my day so much better!
For the sake of comparison, here’s my first back-to-school school outfit ever:
It’s not pink, but it’s Bert and Ernie, bitches. I love those guys. Still.
Speaking of which, does anyone know where to find a pair of adult sized Ernie socks?
No. I’m not kidding.
Inside my head I picture a Mormon Jello salad with a lovely whipped topping where my brain once was. This semester left me without one. Thankfully I only have one semester left.
In an effort to recharge I’m headed to a friend’s cabin for some much needed down time.
I’m going to get in touch with my country girl roots and do some hiking and drinking. Probably at the same time, which makes me really happy that my phone has GPS. I can barely survive day-to-day live without getting hurt so the chances of mountain survival without incident are low. I cannot wait to tell you the stories when I get back… if I get back, that is. If I don’t I’m going to haunt all your asses for ignoring my SOS messages on Twitter.