Contact

I’ve had numerous people tell me how much they hate the new season of “The Hills.” Everyone is complaining how staged the show is, but NOT ME! It’s totally real, scheduled maybe, but very, very real.

Between school and work it’s been difficult to find the time to watch it. In a brilliant multitasking plan my workmate, Robyn, and I have been watching the show together on our lunch break at work as we eat.

It’s perfect! Well, almost perfect. I just need to figure out how to get the nerds to stop protesting:

This week’s “That’s What She Said.”

I’ll post the PDF version later tonight when I’m not trying to navigate my way around D.C. looking for a Dunkin’ Donuts. I don’t understand why the Obama family isn’t acting as my personal tour guide. It’s like they are busy or something.

Something strange has been going on with RLO lately: he’s been acting straight. First he calls a girl I’ve been trying to set him up with for over a month, and the following may just peg him as a straight man forever.  Forever, of course, being until he starts trying to discuss recipes and laundry techniques with me.

I was at Summer’s place for an evening of “Heroes” and chocolate chip cookies.  While I was there RLO emailed me and asked that I send a picture of the two of us scissoring.

I don’t think the picture I sent him was exactly what he had in mind:

I’m taking an Interpersonal Communications class this semester.  Last night while watching TV I was working on a homework question about noise during a message transfer.  Since this is a straightforward, simple question that I remember learning in junior high school I didn’t take it too seriously.  Obviously:

Give three examples of disruptive noise that you are experiencing at this moment, and a solution for each of them.

1)    Stinky Pug Dog Farts—forcing Gas-X strips onto my dog’s tongue can easily solve this noise interference.

2)    90210—the show I’ve been longing to see for the past ten years is back on air.  Yippee! This noise here is both literal and psychological.  The show playing on my TV while I am working on homework is a literal noise that could easily be shut off, but hell no!  I’m very busy yelling at the TV for not showing me any Tori Spelling cameos.  Can you believe that?  My inner dialogue on the subject is the psychological noise.

3)    The mirror is my closet is also considered noise.  After watching “90210” I needed to check the mirror to make sure I aged better than Brenda Walsh.  Luckily I did, and the noise was easy to minimize by walking away.

I thought about redoing the question, but the two glasses of wine I consumed told me not to.  In fact they told me to have a tubby, put on comfy jammies and go to bed.  I always listen to the voices in my wine, so I did just that.

Last night RLO and I decided to take our relationship to the next level.

Calm down, we didn’t hump–it was far more spiritual than physical.  RLO introduced me to one of his Mormon friends.

He and one of his female friends had plans to go grab some dinner, and he invited me to come along. It’s always made me feel bad that he keeps me so separate from his other friends, so I happily accepted.

On the way there I started to worry that we’d have nothing in common and the conversation would be not only lacking, but also boring as hell.  Luckily that wasn’t the case.  The only one bored was RLO.  His friend and I talked about The Hills and Gilmore Girls.  It was glorious to have someone besides Mrs. AK and Kelli to discuss LC’s newest fingernail polish shade.  Which, by the way, I’m liking the purple looking black.  So much in fact I’m going to find the shade and make RLO paint my nails.  It’s the perfect way to compliment the new ring he picked out for me.  Don’t get too excited, it was plastic ring from Forever 21, but that doesn’t make it any less special, or him less gay.

RLO and I watch Project Runway with AK and Mrs. AK every season.  RLO likes to show off his knowledge of the designers and make us feel stupid for not remembering every single detail.  I like to drink wine and make fun of RLO for being so involved.

This Wednesday the new season begins.  I cannot wait. This season is going to be the best yet.  Why you ask?  Because our friend Keith made the cut! I don’t know who is more excited me or RLO.

Let’s get Filthy!

Week after week I sit down and watch “Lost” on the TV I inherited from Tim when he died.  Each time I watch the show I find more reasons why Sawyer reminds me of him.

I don’t know how the rest of you cope with death, but I have to keep Tim alive in my thoughts.  In this instance, I like to play out the scenario of how he would react over my Tim/Sawyer comparison. He would be so pissed off at me, but then go home, watch the show and find he was secretly flattered.  He, of course, would never admit he had watched the show. Tim was a complete bad ass with a softer side that would have made any mother proud.

Every Thursday after the show ends, I want to cry because I desperately miss my friend. I hold back my tears and vow never to watch the stupid show again, but I always do because for one hour every week Tim seems close… and I need that.

I’m going to do something a little different this week with the photo of the day. Instead of posting random snapshots from my iPhone, I’ll be posting photos of a pretty spectacular little boy and me. This is the little boy I’ll be walking for on Saturday at the Utah Autism Speaks Walk.

Thanks to The Kid‘s hard work, my previous dating column archives are all in one spot. Nerds are seriously the best thing ever! Well that and Tivo, which is technically the work of nerd so… oh, and Rlo. He’s the third best thing ever–even if he does drink the last of a shared Diet Coke in the movie. Actually, now that I think about it Rlo isn’t third, he’s fourth, Diet Coke is third.

Damn it. I changed my mind. Comcast Cable is the fourth best thing ever. Rlo is number five. So the order is: 1) Nerds 2) Tivo/DVR 3) Diet Coke 4) Comcast Cable 5) Rlo.

Why did Comcast make the list? As much as I love a good dose of sperm, TV seemed like hardly the place to get it.

I took part in a local news show called On the Record with Chris Vanocur. Also on the show were Jon and Heather Armstrong. It airs Sunday, but you can watch the video here.

When I was told the writer of Dooce was taking part I was pissed. This meant I would have to switch out my purse. I mean, sure, I thought it would be cool to meet her since we have so much in common—we both watch “The Hills” and I have a feeling she knows the super secret that I do: THE SHOW IS REAL, DAMN IT!

But the purse issue took precedence!

A couple of months ago George! sent me an article about his cousin Heather (Dooce) I couldn’t get past the picture to read the article. Her purse was incredible, and I knew I had to have it. And really can you blame me? The retro style print is amazing and those colors? Perfect for spring!

After hours of unsuccessfully searching online I gave up. The next day I couldn’t get that purse off my mind. I convinced myself the purse and I were totally meant to be. And we must have been, because I finally found it and immediately ordered it.

I knew it was a risk as I live in the same city as Heather, but I figured the chances of me ever running into her were slim. I forgot to take into consideration the gods of fate hate me, because a few days later she posted the purse in her daily style section. Within a day the purse was sold out.

The next day a friend of mine complimented the purse and said that it looked familiar. OF COURSE IT DID, because it was posted online for millions of Dooce readers to see. The purse is now fondly referred to as the “Dooce ruined my life” purse. Despite the fact half the world now owns the purse I still carry it daily. So, you’ll understand my annoyance at having to switch purses for the filming. After all, nothing says crazy stalker like showing up with the exact same bag as an Internet rock star.

I don’t understand why everyone feels the need to inform me that “The Hills” is not real, and in fact, a very scripted television series. My question is why is it so important to people who don’t even watch the show?

A friend, who shall remain nameless because he’s a giant baby about being written about on this site, felt the need to lecture me on “The Hills.” My friend who has never seen ONE SINGLE EPISODE, is currently as obsessed with the show as I am, but for all the wrong reasons! He’d much rather lecture me on the validity of the show than sit down and watch an episode.

After a heated discussion his final argument was, “Come on Sarah, you’re much smarter than this.” Which translated into “Sarah, I woke up this morning with the sole intention of pissing you off.”

And guess what? IT SO, SO DID!

Last night, someone I met for the first time, also insisted the show wasn’t real. If I had known him longer than forty minutes I would have jumped up and down screaming until he admitted the show is not only real, but incredible, and then bought him a drink to celebrate being on Team LC.

Let me live in my tiny world of denial. Because it’s like totally awesome, overly tan and pretty.