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It got worse. A few miles later I saw one that said, “Eight kids, all girls, 120 pairs of shoes.”

And another couple of miles, “Two toddlers, twins on the way and 1/2 ton of laundry.”

If I lived in Utah County rather than going out and buying whatever these slogans are offering, I’d go home and shoot myself.

Seriously.

A hundred and twenty pairs of shoes aren’t nearly enough to be shared between eight people.

Google called me a slut. No, really.

Four readers found me yesterday by googling “online flirting.” And today two people found me by searching “sex with sarahbellum.”

I’ll have you know, Google, there is no man in my bed these days.

It’s no surprise I buy something I don’t need if it’s pink. I have more pink shoes than any sane person needs. My apartment looks like someone threw up Pepto-bismol all over it. My family thinks I’ll grow out of my pink phase, but they also thought I’d grow out of my baby blanket phase… which I haven’t.

Today, while at Costco, buying soy beans I saw something I’ll never use, but convinced myself I needed.I easily justified the purchase. After all, how would I use my cute new pan without a cookbook? Exactly! Now all I need is the pink KitchenAid mixer.

October is the very best time of year for pink shopping. I love breast cancer! And yes, I know the karmic reaction coming my way.

are no Tuesdays with Morrie!
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I’m always amazed by the search terms that lead to my blog. Here are a few goodies from this week:

what perfume do strippers wear
naked family love
things to make with my old sweater
kolob bitches

Now if you’ll excuse me, this Kolob Bitch has a bottle of red wine waiting.

What you see here is something quite spectacular. It’s my first bar membership in Provo. Yes, Provo. I’m very proud of this little guy and plan to add him to my scrapbook right away. Now I just need to learn how to scrapbook.

I always find the best shopping finds when I go with my Aimee. Today was no different.

I’ve never had an interest in learning to cook. In fact, I’ve built a life around the avoidance of being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. Yet, in one day my entire belief system has changed! I found this pan and suddenly I want to know how to use it. The barefoot and pregnant thing is going to have to wait. I like shoes too much to give them up just yet.

Maddie and I went to Cotton Bottom for garlic burgers yesterday. Maddie, being new in town, hadn’t been yet. Sofi recommended she go, so we met there for lunch. Now, a day later, still burping garlic I remember why I don’t eat there often.

While sitting at the bar we couldn’t help but notice a man sitting near us reading a book. Now there’s nothing wrong with going out alone and taking a book rather than a date. In fact, I’ve been on plenty of dates where I wish I had a book rather than a date. It was the book he choice that freaked us out:
That’s the kind of reading to do at home. In public maybe something a little lighter would have been a better idea… just a thought.

Fall is coming and I love it! Winter, however, not so much. I don’t partake of the snow this state has to offer by skiing or snowboarding. Perhaps if I did I’d learn to enjoy winter for more than pretty coats. At the end of every season I promise my friends I’ll take the time to learn to ski or board next year. I’ll continue to do this every single year until my death, or until someone kidnaps me from my warm bed and drags me to a cold mountain with the promise of alcoholic beverages in the lodge.

There are a few reasons I love fall:

My birthday… though lately, it’s just for the cake and presents. I don’t want to tack another year onto my age.
Drives up the canyons to see the leaves changing.
Pumpkin Spice Lattes
Cardigan Weather
Fall Television
Election Day

I got this fortune in a cookie today: You will inherit an unexpected sum of money within the year.

This isn’t a fortune, it’s a curse. A horrible, horrible curse! I’m going to be paranoid for the next year someone I love is going to die. I’m going to buy everyone vitamins for Christmas. And Ben, start wearing your damn seatbelt!