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i am so over diet coke–they tricked me into being healthy! in a rush at the gas station i grabbed the first diet coke i saw, it wasn’t until i was in the car that i noticed it was diet coke plus. PLUS VITAMINS AND MINERALS! sneaky bastards. i swear to god it tasted like carrots and wheat grass. isn’t the entire point of the beverage that it eats your stomach and causes esophageal cancer? i don’t want fortified death. if they start putting b12 in sbux i’m going to lose it.

i’m feeling very 1994 today. so i did what any other 1994 girl would do–i went to 7-11 for a big gulp. when i was leaving the cashier looked me up and down and said, “be careful out there.”

what the hell?!

does he know something i don’t? i don’t think he could have known i got yelled at today. seriously. my column is total fluff, how can it possibly upset people enough to yell at me in the grocery store? come on people, isn’t there more things in life to be upset over? war? 3.2 beer?

i was at the laundromat by my house last week playing ms. pac-man. when, after a couple games a guy there came up and said, “what a great way to kill time while waiting for your laundry. can i play you?” the sad part is i wasn’t doing laundry, i was just there for the game.

the very day i told the yuppie about the incident, he showed me a pair of shoes he saw that he thought i’d like. it’s like playing frogger on my feet, of course i had to buy them. i’m not sure if this is his way of hinting playing video games at the laundromat is unacceptable or if he’s encouraging it–either way i’m not stopping!

marky: “my nose is alive!”

yours truly: “that’s as gay as i go.”

ben: “i’m either eating willie nelson’s ice cream or making love to him. i can’t tell.”

pmk: “double amputees are exciting!”

i’m having a bad blog day–sometimes it feels like with so many people i know in real life reading i can’t blog about what i really want to. would it be so wrong to have an anonymous blog? soooo, rather than skip a day i’m giving you this little gem:
marky and i went to the movie last night, on our way home we accidentally stopped at the dollar store (the entertainment factor of that place is well worth a stop. really, clown statues for a dollar? you just can’t beat that!) muffin top cereal–how awesome is that?!

i obviously love making fun of things–being an equal-opportunity offender i like to include my friends and family, as seen here:

when i asked marky if he wanted to go to the gym he replied with, “i just got a paint job and can’t sweat.”

“i’ll be extra diligent and not look up any rapist vans this afternoon, so that i’ll have time tomorrow.”–compliments of the yuppie.

when leaving friends after dinner marky said, “i’ll see you online!”

and worth a second mention, from pmk: “my nephews are going to be boys.”

last night i accidentally stalked a woman in target– i blame ben. he was supposed to be entertaining me but was too busy playing with engines, gasoline and dead batteries.

while shopping i kept seeing an attractive woman who looked vaguely familiar, though i couldn’t place where i might know her from. it was driving me crazy– i’ll be the first one to admit i’m slightly obsessive. she was in all the good sections and had great clothes and hair, so i couldn’t help but glance at her each time i saw her.

finally, while standing in front of her in the check out line, i recognized her bag. i asked her if she was the sister of a friend of mine, indeed she was. i’d read a post on her blog where she posted a picture of her self designed bag–i’m secretly addicted to her blog because she talks about tv boyfriends which are a very important matter.

thank god i finally placed who she was, i hate coming across as the crazy lesbian blog stalker.

no, seriously– it is. when i moved into my apartment a few years ago, one thing nearly stopped me: fairies. these creepy little things live on the side of my kitchen cupboard. it’s so creepy, but when i moved in i was in a rush and rather than have the landlord paint over them, i just stuck an old mother hips concert handbill over them. since i couldn’t see the them, i just sorta forgot they were there. until today when the handbill, after four years, fell. uggg, i’ve once again been invaded by fairies– and not the good ones, who can help hang the dorothy parker pictures that have been sitting here since november. i can’t sleep, i can’t eat. (okay, the second is possibly because i haven’t been grocery shopping in weeks, but still.) is there some sort of fairy removal service? oh wait, brothers with paint brushes.