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while driving home last night, i was stressing over dinner.

i didn’t have any groceries in the house, unless you count the 72 hour kit santa brought me this year, which i don’t. i hate grocery shopping almost as much as i hate the dentist, rush limbaugh, the fact i didn’t have to look up the spelling of limbaugh, and grainy porn downloaded from the internet. i looked down at my phone and saw i had a message. it was my uncle bry asking me on a date for dinner. needless to say, i happily accepted.

the company was nice, but truthfully i’d have chosen dinner with charles manson over grocery shopping.

i’ve always wanted to live at the plaza, hell, i’d even settle for just staying there one night at this point! it has nothing to do with the beautiful architecture, nor the famous parties and balls held there over the years. it’s all because of the children’s storybook character eloise. come on, why do you think i own a pug?!

i was going through my eloise book collection to find the perfect one to give my niece, hannah, for her upcoming third birthday when i found this one:i’d never noticed before, but her pug has one eye too! ok, so maybe it’s winking but still…when daisy lost her eye a few years ago, in an effort to console me, by boyfriend at the time said it just looked like she was winking all the time. it made me feel better at the time, and i’ve thought of it as such ever since.

i determine my level of friendship by my ability to make a person cry– horrible, but true. sometimes it’s the “i hate you’ cry, but typically it’s the ‘oh so tender’ cry i’m going for, mostly because i’m a controlling bitch, but whatever, that’s not really the point.

today, i successfully made my bestest sister friend jen cry. again. it’s usually a bi-weekly thing with her.

i emailed her to tell her about her doppelganger:
today in my writing class the girl across the room from me looked exactly like you did a few years ago. her hair was short and flippy in the back; the color was dark brown with just a hint of red when the light hit it just right. she had pretty pouty lips and your exact skin tone. i kept staring at her, and without a doubt, she must think i’m a total lesbian. she was holding still for so long that i felt as if i was looking at an old picture of you. i was so mesmerized by her, that when she finally moved i freaked out.

her reply was as follows:
your story about the girl in your class made me tear up! you jerk!

yup, I still got it!

it’s no secret i’m a giant clutz. ben always laughs that i manage to get hurt nearly every single time i leave the house! i’m constantly bruised from bumping into things. yesterday was no exception, i smashed my hand on the doorknob trying to hurry out of my apartment. the only thing that differed is where i bruised myself.
seriously, who bruises their left-hand ring-finger? i think it’s a bad omen, and i can plan on remaining single forever. i think my editor will be very, very pleased.

i went to provo last night to see my mom in the hospital, where she’s recovering from surgery. i don’t deal well with other people being sick. i don’t think it’s that i’m being selfish, i think always being the patient teaches you to deal with your own health issues and not those of others. that’s just life. so, having a sick mother isn’t easy for me. seeing her in a hospital bed nearly killed me. between that and the disgusting smell of hospitals i ended up sick to my stomach in the bathroom. luckily holli and the twins got there shortly thereafter, providing some much needed levity to the situation.

i think the god of rock and roll looked down on me with pity, because when i got into my car to head home “you give love a bad name” was playing on the radio. i rocked out, and life was suddenly good again.

i’m starting to wonder if i have a superhero fetish. first there was captain american now this! seriously, what’s next batgirl?

pmk sent me an email regarding our new office dress code. he’s crazy if he thinks i’m going to wear a blouse or cut my mullet. luckily, there’s nothing in there about fishnets and knee shorts, because that’s what i’m wearing today. for real.

– Generally, Oxfords & slacks for males, blouses & skirts for females.
– No T-shirts.
– No Jeans.
– No open toed shoes.
– No Dickies.
– No Carhart.
– No Mullets.

it’s no secret i’m the office pervert. remember the veggies? however, when pmk gave me this book i started wondering if i’m really that bad.let’s see–there’s this, this, and this. fine, he’s got a valid point. is it too late for new year resolutions??

by now i hope we’ve all seen al gore’s global warming movie. if you haven’t do yourself a favor and rent it soon. i like to kid that al gore invented global warming around the time he invented the internet, but in reality he has a message that needs to be heard.

pmk attended a meeting about it in park city last night. to read his thoughts on the subject go here.