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wondering why you didn’t get a christmas letter from me? read it here!

people tell me all the time that i’m self-centered. i’m 31, single, no kids, and live alone–of course i’m self-centered, this is not news. i just realized that i’m capable of making everything about me, even my parent’s wedding anniversary. today marked their 32nd year of marriage. when i called my mom to wish her a happy anniversary i got her voicemail, this is how it went:

mother, it’s daughter…i’m calling because it’s your anniversary. i’d sing like you do for my birthday, but i don’t think there is a song for this occasion. i’d make one up, but that wouldn’t be a gift as much as torture. anyway, thanks for getting married because you had me, and i really love me, well most days i do. today was a bad hair day, so i didn’t love myself as much as i did yesterday, but still. oh, and happy anniversary, love you and stuff. bye.

somehow, i managed to turn her anniversary call into a voicemail about me and my hair. i wish i had a picture scanned of them when they were young and without the burden of daughter, the best i could do was the picture i have on my bedside table.
**mom & dad, happy anniversary! thank for loving me despite all my (many) flaws, which is a post for another day.

i’m really bad when it comes to locking my doors. i’ve gotten much better, but it used to be the running joke with my friends that i didn’t even need house keys. i never had a house key growing up, in fact i don’t remember once locking the front door; growing up in the country does have it’s benefits(see mom, i told you i could think of one!). i still don’t have a key to my parent’s house, so when i got there last week and the door was locked i freaked out. rather than ring the bell i decided my parents had not forgiven me writing about strippers in my column, and locked me out for good. luckily, it was just locked to help keep the winter draft out, and i was let in the house immediately.

when i hear people blaming movies and video games for the level of crime i scoff at the idea, however, when i saw the movie picks in delta i thought maybe there is something to the theory. no crime, no movies with a rating above pg–just a thought…

tired of crappy snow driving, i put rain x on my windshield today. the following was found on the bottle:
-repels rain, sleet and snow on contact

now, if i could just find rain x for my life! i’d love a product that repels the shit that keeps coming my way. until then, my car windows will remain the least crummy thing in my life.

merry christmas everyone! i hope santa found each and every one of you, well maybe not the ones who leave me nasty blog comments–but those of you who don’t, i hope he brought you everything on your list. as for me, i never felt as loved as i did when unwrapping my pretty new hello kitty coffeemaker!

every year on christmas eve santa comes to every house in my hometown and to this day i still get a warm fuzzy opening to the door let santa in. when i was younger they paid the town drunk (and my sunday school teacher!!) to play santa, but since he died in thailand a few years ago it’s not been the same. i miss drunk santa.

this year after santa left the doorbell rang for a second time. usually not a big deal, but in a town with the population of 4 (most of which are related) it’s not often to have someone actually ring the bell rather than walk in. i opened the door and let in a lady i didn’t know. when my dad saw her he simply walked into the garage without a word, and came back with a suspicious looking box. i grew up in the country, and while i don’t choose to own rifles i certainly know a gun box when i see one, even if it is wrapped in festive paper. it was at that very moment i discovered my dad was a arms dealer. needless to say, i’m very nervous to see what gifts i’ll be receiving tomorrow…

hannah expresses my exact thoughts about being in the country:

always a procrastinator, i finished up my christmas shopping yesterday, and noticed this on the ground of a parking lot:looks like someone else is out there taking care of last minutes business…

being a nice person is exhausting, not that i really know, but still…

on my way home last night i let two cars cut in front of me; neither driver gave me a thank you wave, and for some reason this really pissed me off. i think i only want to be a nice person when i know i’ll be getting credit for it. i feel like george constanza, and that’s really not a good feeling.

at this point i’m hoping santa brings me a soul.

have you ever wanted to make up your own holiday? me too, so i did. read more here!