Gliding Through Fitness Hell
Trainer Tracey hates me. She acts all nice and sweet, but secretly she wants me dead, or at the very least humiliated.
At my last training session she made me work out with those giant balls. Yes, the balls that have terrified me for years. She quickly realized I have zero coordination when I couldn’t simply toss the ball and catch it with my feet while laying on my back. So she punished me.
“Sarah, hold the ball between your thighs and pulsate.”
“Really? This isn’t a joke? You seriously want me to sit in the middle of a gym full of people with a ball between my thighs and pulsate?”
“Yes.”
“If you weren’t such a great person, I’d really hate you right now.”
“I know. Now pulsate and count to 30.”
I did, but I wasn’t very happy about it. To make things worse, I got home and found my Gliding Discs had arrived in the mail. I finally gave up on using paper plates when I came home to find Daisy gnawing on them.
The good news is if the discs don’t glide me into my skinny jeans as promised I can use them to glide over to the freezer for consolation ice cream.
Comments
Wait. You can pulsate AND count to 30 at the same time? You are too coordinated, liar!
I think that all gyms should be required to have little curtained stalls or something, just to lessen the humiliation a bit.
Pulsating sounds like an activity that should be done in the privacy of your own home.
I love your plan for the gliders, if they don’t work for slimming down.
I missed your site!
Was in class all week.
Finally back to the land of the living! And so much enjoying reading all your funny shit!
That right there is my motivation to never get a personal trainer.
balls
thighs
and pulsating.
Is this a porn site? I’m wondering how work hasn’t blocked your site yet.
You mustn’t downplay the importance of the Pulsating Ball exercise. For throbbing, though these balls may, in time, become, they must be handled correctly first, be it with hands, feet, or (of course) thighs. Only then (with at least 30 seconds of said handling) may the pulsating occur; in this is much joy. I have been told that a woman may experience similar pulsations through the use of Gliders as well, so let these friends glide into your skinny jeans and reward you for your hard word :-). You, and the owner of balls a’pulsating, will be very pleased, and Daisy shall marvel at the sight.
hahah … big pulsating balls between your thighs … how can we NOT laugh at your predicament?
Awww, Sarah my dear, that image just made my whole day! I expect that you’ll be in your skinny jeans next time I’m in town and we can take our skinny jeans out for a drink!
You are my hero.
… big pulsating balls between your thighs …
Pictures please.
I hate those fucking balls.
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I need to get me a personal trainer… I’m jealous.
.. i think so 😉 I’ll put this post to DIGG if i can worke it outGood Luck with your site.Fitness Shop