I Kill People
Ben: “I’m a card carrying member of the American Legion.”
Sarah: “Um… I don’t really know how to react to that.”
Ben: “I went again last night but they wanted me to have an old guy with me.”
Sarah: “You mean a vet?”
Ben: “Yeah, that. So I told them Dad had served in the military.”
Sarah: “But, Ben, Dad didn’t serve. You lied to the American Legion?!”
Ben: “Sorta. I felt okay about it because Dad would’ve served if he wasn’t diabetic.”
Sarah: “So you’re telling me you shouldn’t be punished just because Dad didn’t serve in the military?”
Ben: “Exactly!!”
Sarah: “You do realize Dad will be drafted now, right? The one time I used a family member as an excuse they died.”
Ben: “You killed Chad? No wonder I don’t get letters anymore.”
Sarah: “No, Ben, this isn’t a laughing matter. I killed Grandma. I used her as an excuse once and she died a month later. I’m the bitch who killed my own grandmother.”
Ben: “You’re not a bitch, you’re just insane. You didn’t kill Grandma and Dad isn’t going to be drafted. Stop drinking so much coffee.”
Comments
Coffee? Could be worse.
Thank God he didn’t say “whiskey.”
Believe me, it hurts a lot worse.