It's Like the Universe WANTS me to be Lazy
Due to insanely cold weather my local power company is asking customers to conserve energy. Something about blowing the power grid up and dudes being so cold their balls shrink.
The power company suggested ways to conserve:
- Avoid using holiday lights.
- Adjust the use of clothes washers and dryers, dishwashers and ranges.
- Utilize small kitchen appliances and microwaves for food preparation instead of ovens and range tops.
This is seriously the best thing that’s ever happened to me!
I don’t have to feel guilty that I am the only house on the block without Christmas lights. Who’s the dickhead neighbor now? These idiots are going to be the reason the power goes out. I’ll be blameless, while they will be responsible for a bunch of old people freezing to death.
Death is totally sad, but the take away message here is I’m a green party hero.
Yup, I’m awesome.
As a reward I don’t have to do the dishes, laundry or even cook. I can live off a diet of junk food and red wine while wearing dirty jeans.
I’m pretty much living the dream and saving the planet at the same time.
Comments
My kinda girl! Marry me!
Or not. Whatever.
I love this! We here in NH lost power for 5 hrs.! That’s when the white grape is so so soothing!
I wish my power company would send a notice out like that. Then I’d have a retort for my husband who thinks I sit around and eat bon bons all day and calls me lazy HA…”I’m saving the planet…or old people from freezing to death”. Awesome post. I laughed my ass off.
You are totally my green hero!
Wow, I *never* do the dishes! I am the best planet-saver in town, probably!
Huh, I just thought it was strange the Power company was leaving me messages like that. Like “We know you use too much power so we called JUST you to tell you to KNOCK IT OFF!!!…
Oh my god, sounds like my version of HELL. But funny, nonetheless.