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Last week I took my nephew and two nieces to see “Alice in Wonderland.” I love spending time with them, but taking three small children to a movie wasn’t my best idea.

Kids are sort of a pain in the ass. They, like, need stuff.

Popcorn

Soda

Candy

Help in the bathroom

I know, right? What six-year-old needs help in the bathroom. Um, the ones who don’t want to be molested by strangers apparently.

I think I saw about 20 minutes of the movie.

Just when I was considering ripping my uterus out and throwing it against the movie screen my niece Hannah looks at me with big eyes and said, “Aunt Sarah I am so glad today is Thursday. I’ve been excited about seeing you all week. This is probably the best day of my life.”

Kids. What assholes.

They really know how to tug the heartstrings.

“Hannah, every day with you is the best day of my life.”

“I KNOW, RIGHT?”

There’s nothing cuter than a child who mimics my annoying speech patterns.