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One of my New Year resolutions was to spend more time writing. So far, this particular resolution has fallen to the wayside. I want to entertain you all with tales of wit and charm, but I sort of think both of those qualities have started to fizzle out.

I considered writing about my love life again, but currently there are a few too many secrets there. So what’s left to write about? Hmm… I guess it’s either telling you about the woes of home-ownership or the stress of living with a puppy. Eh. I’ll skip that for now; you’re welcome.

Instead why don’t you read about my NYE at the local VFW post. Those veterans sure know how to party. I use the term party loosely, because OMG it’s hard to get too crazy when there’s polka playing in the background.

2010 is ending… how is that even possible? I guess rather than freak out over another year passing, I’ll just go with the flow. That said, here are my recent columns: best music of 2010 and a list of my New Year’s resolutions.

In the past I hated spending time with my family during the holidays. I love them, sure, but holidays were made for drinking wine with dinner. Not that silly Mormon cranberry juice and Sprite mix.

That all changed when my brothers had kids. Suddenly sobriety wasn’t the worst thing in the world; not seeing my nieces and nephews for the holidays was. Had I known kids make family time not only tolerable, but also enjoyable I would have got knocked up in high school. I can picture myself with a “Gilmore Girls”-esque lifestyle. I would be an amazing teen mother.

Well maybe not… after all, I did spend the majority of Christmas Eve threatening to feed the kids to Santa’s reindeer.

Carter: “Aunt Sarah, can they kill us?”

Me: “Not kill you, but they will definitely maim you. What are guys going to do if one gets you?”

Kailee: “Pray.”

Hannah: “Scream.”

Carter: “Punch it in the wiener.”

Unto us a future pervert is born.

This week’s “That’s What She Said” is about my stance against cougars. Though now I’m wondering if it’s just inability to have fun. Seriously, I need a change of scenery and not just a new house. It’s time to reconnect with my wild side… trip to Las Vegas anyone?

Things have been scarce around these parts lately. I’ve been a little more diligent on keeping up with Twitter, but this blog has been sorely neglected.

Buying a new house, followed by moving has kept me occupied. Finally, at 35-years-old, I have achieved what I consider real adulthood. The mortgage payment and house stress are mine, all mine. It’s cheesy, I know, but I’m incredibly proud of myself for doing this on my own. No husband or boyfriend needed. Just me, well, and that bottle of wine that provided me with the courage to go for it.

My “That’s What She Said” column is a letter to my bank. You know, that place crazy enough to give me a large sum of money. What fools!

This year I spent Thanksgiving in the country ignoring my vegan diet and eating my weight in cream cheese mashed potatoes. I did set down my fork down long enough to compile a list of items I’m thankful for. You can read the list in this week’s “That’s What She Said.”

This week’s “That’s What She Said” skips right over Thanksgiving and goes straight to my Christmas wish-list.

It’s not that I hate Thanksgiving, um, hello mashed potato addict right here, but when my lovely lady editor, Amy, asked for my annual holiday list I was more than happy to think presents. What? I’m less about the baby Jesus part of the holiday season and more into commercialism and materialism. Oh, and holiday treats. Fudge and candy cane vodka… that does exist, right?

Me: What did you do with your hair when you cut it off?

Dirty Nerd: I gave it to my mom to fertilize her garden.

Me: I donated my hair to freaking cancer kids and you donated yours to a crop of vegetables?

Dirty Nerd: Yes and they were delicious.

Me: OH MY GOD, you ate your own hair!

Dirty Nerd: It’s not like it was a bunch of carrots with hair growing out of them.

Me: YES IT WAS.

Dirty Nerd: Sarah, your logic is broken. The hair decomposed and fertilized the plants. It’s not like hair actually grew on the vegetables.

Me: Of course the vegetables grew hair. You ate hairy veggies… no wonder I call you Dirty Nerd.

Dirty Nerd: You’re missing a little part here called THE FACTS.

The conversation ended there because I was so busy laughing over a nerd lecturing me about facts, you know because nerds are so fact oriented. Ahem, time travel, space cowboys and super heroes. Yeah…

The black side bars on iPhone video makes me want to stab my eyes out. Speaking of stabbing, half of the Saturday morning crowd wanted to do just that when my niece ordered wiener for breakfast.

I would like to point out this is not a learned behavior. I may be a bad influence when it comes to drinking and cursing, but sex is off the table. And floor. And bed.

I digress.

The point? She didn’t learn about wiener from me. I’m a vegan.