Thanks!
Benjaminoballbaby was here for the weekend, yeah again. All afternoon he was insisting we go to the pub; he too is addicted, however, for very different reasons–chicken enchiladas, not beer like his sister. I walked out of the room to find my shoes only to return to this:
Seriously, i was gone for two minutes and already he’s dead asleep. I think having a mullet and porn-stache are sucking the life out of the lad.
daisy, the one-eyed wonder, had a vet appointment last night. she absolutely hates the vet now, and really who can blame her…the bandits stole her eye. she’s hyper and happy to be there up until the point dr. barney walks into the room, then she runs for safety. it’s a little funny to see her huddled up in the corner, but mostly it’s just sad to see how scared she is. i guess i’d be freaked out too if i only had one eye left, and worried that they would snatch it at any given moment.
you know the drill, it’s just like an appointment with your doctor, before you can see the vet you have to have a tech come in and take a few notes in the chart and whatever time wasting techniques they have to extend your visit. this time the vet tech was a new girl, yay for me! when she asked the reason for the appointment, i said “ she’s had some depth perception problems lately and i wanted to see what’s causing that”. i know, i know…i’m a horrible person, trust me, i’ve heard it all before. BUT, the look on her face was well worth the dose of bad karma. she was so confused, here is a dog with one eye and the owner is concerned about depth perception?
just one more office i’m going to be blacklisted from. awesome.
i met justin for lunch, mission:garden burger, destination:red robin. being the people watcher that i am, i couldn’t help but browse the crowd for something; just a little something, that’s all i ask.
camouflage. i know this isn’t the first time i’ve discussed camo, and surely it won’t be the last. it can’t be helped, there is just something about a man in camouflage, and that something typically involves some sort of dry-heaving on my part, today’s fella did not disappoint.
clear your mind of any images if you will– now picture a beer belly clad in camouflage (certainly not concealing anything), a handle-bar mustache atop his mouth, the mouth that blew me a burp, yeah, a burp. disgusting! i’m sure that mating ritual works in the huntin’ world, but not here. in the future, fucko, limit your nasty burp calls to the animal kingdom, and your manly man table. that would be lovely, umm thanks.
ice-cream, geez what did you think i meant? you dirty, dirty folks!
it’s a fine line between my neurosis and love of all things coffee. gray offered me some of his espresso coffee this afternoon, i hesitated for a moment, carefully weighing the situation–coffee vs. germs. surprisingly coffee beat potential gg contamination, is it possible that i’m becoming slightly less neurotic with age?!
don’t hold your breath on that one…actually maybe you should, just in case, or at least don’t breathe in my direction.
flyboy and i went to dinner last night at a little joint known as roosters; a cool little place, but it didn’t follow my no cocks at dinner rule. yes, i realize a place named after a rooster is bound to have them throughout the restaurant, but still…
it’s hard to pay attention to your dinner conversation when you’re waiting for your date to stick his foot in his mouth. you see flyboy has an excellent track record at doing just that. i’m not easily offended, so instead of getting upset i get excited. rest assured, the evening was a complete success! a man passing outside had on a puffy vest, flyboy pointed out how silly this was as it doesn’t keep your arms warm. bippity bam, guess who wears a puffy PINK vest all winter long…yup, me.
it’s nice to have something you can count on.
i hate litter. country carl knows this from experience; i was giving him a ride somewhere and he threw out a gum wrapper from the window. i immediately stopped the car, turned around and forced him out to pick it up–carl will not be littering again, at least in my presence. i live on a busy street, often there are asshats who decide littering the street is better than littering their car. whatever. when i saw a box on the curb last week i went to throw it out (yes pmk, i was planning on using massive amounts of sanitizer on my hands, industrial strength no less).
upon closer inspection i found a blow-up doll box! at this point i decided not to pick it up, sure we can say i didn’t want to touch it, but honestly i wanted other people to get that same shock factor!
either there is a dirty pervert out driving my street playing with his new “friend”, or one of my neighbors can’t get a date–a human one, that is. i’ve not stopped judging my neighbors since the incident. god, i love people.
that’ll learn him…
chady-bear graduated from high school last night which makes my parents old, yet somehow i remain not a day over 21. everyone knows how boring graduation ceremonies are so the mind tends to wander; while i was busy contemplating why i wasn’t the inventor of velcro, ben was in another place, a place far, far away. he was dazing off, as he usually does, when he suddenly perks up looks at me and asks if he looks like he’s been smoking weed. i’m unsure why looking like you’re stoned is suddenly a good thing. poor ben, living in the country is affecting his mind.
and his hair. yes, you’re looking at the beginning of a trashed out mullet. go ben!
while paying for lunch today pmk handed over $11 for a $10.98 total, the cashier grabbed a calculator to ensure pmk received the correct change.
umm, you do the math. there is entirely too much to make fun of…so insert your own sarcasm, ad nauseam.
fustian: pompous or pretentious language.
hobbledehoy: an awkward, gawky young fellow.
cum: with; along with; combined with.
for those keeping count–that’s three blogs containing words that make my mother blush. awesome.