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This week’s “That’s What She Said” for IN Utah This Week.

A few weeks ago I bought a very UN-Sarah style shirt from Forever 21. It’s a white, flowy tunic shirt with a tie in the back and sorta reminds me of my favorite jacket.

The first time I wore it my friend, Mark, told me I reminded him of Maryann on “True Blood.” She’s cute enough, I guess, but she’s a BAD GUY! Not exactly who you want to look like.

I didn’t wear the shirt again for a while. You know, because I’m nothing like that crazy chick. Shut up.

Moving on.

I decided to give the shirt another chance and wore it to school. Walking to my car after class I started unbuttoning the shirt. The kid next to me looked over and said, “LADY, what are you doing?!”

I stopped dead in my tracks. Holy shit, I confused my shirt for a jacket and nearly flashed a child. Can you imagine calling my mother to bail me out of jail for public indecency? I can. She’d probably yell at me and then ask me if I got a date out of it because moms always question your dating life. Even when you refuse to have one.

Watching this video you may think I have nothing better to do than sit around and film my freaking dog. You’d be wrong, which may be the reason I’m behind in school readings. BUT, at least you know I’ve started packing my kitchen!

Saturday morning I was rushing to leave the house to pick Kelli up for brunch. In my haste I knocked a mug off the counter and it shattered.

MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE MUG!

The mug my mother gave me when I graduated high school and moved away. I’ve used it almost every single day since.

I picked up the pieces and gently placed them back on the counter where they sat for two days. Partly because I’m lazy, and partly because I’m sentimental as shit when it comes to anything my mom give me… with the exclusion of guilt trips.

Tonight I realized there was no way to fix the mug, so I sucked it up and threw it away. I felt sick afterward. SICK over a silly, little coffee cup.

The point? I’m not freaking dead inside after all. But I am really damn thirsty.

The University of Utah is a dry campus so this is as close to a bar as I’ll be getting. Insert sigh, loud wail, and pouting here.

Read my column this week to hear about my worthless attempt at running a 5K.

In my defense it’s not all laziness, but also because I suck at anything athletic. I’m a total klutz. Seriously, do you know any other women who carry emergency Hello Kitty Band-Aids in their purse?

DO NOT MOCK ME!

Those Band-Aids came in handy yesterday. I was walking down a flight of stairs, at school, when I caught sight of a handsome man. I’m so used to seeing young boys at school that I just had to get a closer look. Which I did, as I tumbled down the stairs past him.

I was so busy yelping in pain, when I hit the floor, to even notice if he had a wedding ring on. Which is fine, since I needed time to apply 12 Band-Aids to my bloody knee, not to flirt.

See? Ditching the 5K probably saved my freaking life.

I’m four classes away from my college degree and all I can think about is my graduation party. This thing had better be amazing since it was DECADES in the making. Now, I just need to find some sucker to plan it, because I’ll be far too busy trying to pass Mass Comm Law, well, and admiring my back-to-school outfit.

Seriously, how cute is that pink shirt? It made my day so much better!

For the sake of comparison, here’s my first back-to-school school outfit ever:

It’s not pink, but it’s Bert and Ernie, bitches. I love those guys. Still.

Speaking of which, does anyone know where to find a pair of adult sized Ernie socks?

No. I’m not kidding.

I’ve never had an interest in learning to speak Spanish. I’d much rather spend the time improving my slang and teen vernacular, or napping. Not that there’s anything wrong with the Spanish language, I just never found it appealing.

My friend Kelli is a typical teacher who thinks everyone should learn new things. She is also a giant whore.

Yesterday, while I worked a few extra hours, she started packing my apartment for my upcoming move. When I moved the boxes I found a hidden Spanish lesson:

She must really want me to learn Spanish. Speaking of which, does anyone know the translation for controlling, bossy whore?