That's What She Said… about Hate Mail
June 11, 2009 at 12:37 PM
Thanks!
I took a much needed break from studying yesterday and drove to Park City. I’ve wanted to check out this cute little boutique for a while, so it was a perfect excuse to get out of SLC for a few hours. The adorable owner, Heather, sent home a present for Daisy.
Ignore my crazy lady dog voice in the video. I originally had music in the background so you didn’t have to hear it, but YouTube hates my guts and won’t overlook violating copyright laws. Pfff… bastards.
Daisy loves her new collar! I am slightly worried she thinks the collar is made out of cotton candy and celery the way she sniffed at it and licked her lips. As if I’d give that bitch cotton candy. Can you imagine cotton candy pug farts? I just dry-heaved thinking about it.
And I am one of those suckers.
Yesterday was the Christmas for nerds. My office nerds stayed close to their desks the entire day. Not only because they had to watch every moment of the Apple World Wide Developers Conference, but also because they needed to hide their raging boners under their desks.
I wish I were kidding. My nerds LOVE new Apple products.
I didn’t watch the conference online with them because I don’t live in my mother’s basement and I don’t play Dungeons & Dragons. Though I was interested in the new products released because, really, who isn’t? Luckily I was just able to get the nerd recap.
“Did they talk about the new iPhone?”
“Yes.”
“Does it look any different?”
“No, Sarah, but it has a 3 megapixel camera that can tap to focus. It has video now. And you can even on the phone. Plus voice control and a much better battery life. It’s amazing.”
“Ugg… now I need a new iPhone and it’s not even different!”
Curse you Apple! I am convinced I need a new phone, which I don’t. And it doesn’t even come in pink or with a glitter option. Ridiculous. Every new product should come with the promises of glitter.
The past five years have been a blur of the same thing. I look around and see that my friends have moved forward. They have spouses, babies, mortgages, and careers.
I don’t.
And it hurts.
I feel like I’m in the exact same place I was five years ago. In fact I actually am in the same place I was five years ago. I live in the same apartment, wear the same favorite jeans, drive the same car, and even own the same coffee maker.
What’s wrong with me? Is personal growth unattainable? Or am I just stuck in a rut?
Or worse… is this my life?
I have an obsessive personality, so it should come as no surprise that my pug does as well. A case in point is her romance with my Hello Kitty toaster.
Her latest fixation is with celery. Weird, right?
In an effort to eat healthier I recently stocked my refrigerator with fruits and vegetables. One night as I chopped veggies for a salad I accidentally dropped a stalk of celery on the floor. Daisy snatched it right up and ran. I shrugged my shoulders and let her.
BIG MISTAKE!
Now, every night when I come home Daisy barks and whines at the refrigerator until I provide her with the desired celery crack. I don’t think celery will hurt her, and truth be told my voluptuous pug could stand to lose a pound or two. Not to mention she’s freaking adorable wandering around the house with a stalk of celery hanging out of her mouth.
1) A clean bathroom: I love my bathroom clean, but sadly a clean bathroom is not an event that happens as often as it should. Maybe if there was some sort of medal for cleaning your own bathroom that would help motivate me. Or tile scrub that comes with supplemental vodka.
2) Girlfriends: I’m blessed to have some kick ass bitches in my life. I know how lucky I am to have them because in the past most of my friends are male and borrowing clothes from guy friends is just not the same. It’s way too much like the 90s when I wore baggy jeans. Eek.
3) Black clothing: I think I’m going through some sort of adult gothic stage, without the leather corsets.
4) Daisy: This old girl of mine makes me laugh every single day. Seriously, look at how cute she is.
5) A new toothbrush head for my Sonicare: My teeth are so thankful I’m worried they may hump my leg.
First there was this, and now this: 
I really need to learn to lock my computer when I leave the office. And, apparently, teach the nerds how to spell the word dumb.
Dear Costco,
I hate you. I know that sounds harsh, but I think we’ve been together long enough that I can express my feelings without the worry of offending you. Three years is a lifetime of commitment for me. During our honeymoon stage I thought you were the best thing ever. I always found comfort in your single bottle of pesto, and your cheap food court hot dogs. But now? Now I need more.
Let me rephrase that… now I need less.
I stopped in this afternoon to say hi and pick up some pesto sauce. I left with three pounds of spinach, four pounds of grapes, and two pound of blueberries. Do you see the problem? I live alone and I don’t bathe in fruit salad.
Unless you start selling families in bulk I’m going to have to do my shopping elsewhere.
Love,
Sarah
P.S. Please have someone swing by and drop off the pesto I forgot to pick up.
My niece, Hannah, was admitted to the hospital this weekend after having some trouble breathing on her own.
When I walked into the pediatric unit to visit I sailed right though security. Ben, on the other hand, was stopped. This hospital has a strict no molestation policy. Maybe now he’ll finally understand his mustache isn’t funny, but instead creepy as shit.
Hannah is now home and doing much better. Though I do think they may have released her early just to prevent Ben from coming back.