Thanks!
Alternate title: First Video Blog
I’m stuck using YouTube this time because a) I didn’t know that Flickr had a 90 second limit, and b) I’m far too lazy busy studying to make the video shorter. I’ll get better, I promise. Or maybe I won’t, who knows.
My baby brother, Chady-bear, is currently serving an LDS mission in Japan. When he decided to go on a mission my first thought was that he would try and force Mormonism onto me. My second thought was who the hell would wash and vacuum my car once he left?
My car is filthy, and luckily so is my soul. I haven’t received any preachy letters with scripture quotes and guilt trips. Instead he tells me stories about his experiences in Japan, which I find far more interesting than gospel stories.
He’s due home this summer. And just when I started getting excited to have my baby brother back he had to go and do the unthinkable. His last letter had a religious themed message to it, well not so much the letter as the enclosed picture.
In this case, a pictures really isn’t worth a thousand words–just one word, and a bossy one at that:
When he gets home I’m going to have to sit him down to discuss his poor choice of facial hair, just as soon as my car is clean.
RLO dragged me into Williams-Sonoma again last night.
I don’t cook so I’ll never fully appreciate the appeal of that store. I get bored after two seconds in the store and am forced to find other entertainment. My idea of entertainment is bugging RLO when he’s busy concentrating on grapefruit knives. Now he’ll never know which grapefruit knife is superior. Damn.
“Hey RLO, which would you rather have an espresso maker or an Apple TV?”
“Oh, definitely the appletini.”
“That’s pretty interesting since I didn’t mention an appletini, you don’t drink, and you’re supposedly straight.”
I can’t be sure what his comment was afterward, because I was too busy picturing him sitting on his couch in a silk robe, drinking an appletini and listening to Barbra Streisand records.
I’m going to share another embarrassing bathroom moment. I am well aware that I have far more humiliating moments than most people. I think this is because I never bother thinking before speaking. That coupled with the fact I don’t have a filter results in way too many ‘Sarah-ness’ moments.
I hate walking into the office bathroom and having it smell bad. Of course I hate the smell, but even worse I hate someone attributing that smell to me.
For example, at my last job I was in the bathroom washing my hands when a fellow employee walked in. The bathroom was especially stinky and I didn’t want her thinking it was me so I said, “I swear that disgusting stench isn’t from me. It was a stink bomb before I arrived. Someone must have really had some bad food for lunch.” She looked at me and said, “That was me. I’m sorry to have inconvenienced you with my intestinal system.”
FUCK.
What does one do in that situation short of disappearing into thin air? I felt like an asshole, apologized and walked out.
I have yet to figure out why so many of my humiliating life moments seem to take place in the bathroom, and until I do it’s best to probably just avoid public restrooms altogether.
Unrelated: does anyone know if you can buy space diapers online?
I want everyone to learn from my mistakes. Unless I hate you, if I hate you I want you to suffer the same humiliation because I’m sort of a horrible person like that.
I never bother checking to make sure there’s toilet paper in public restroom stalls before entering the stall. Call me irresponsible if you must, but I’d rather you call me adventurous.
Yes, this actually is that kind of post. Deal with it.
Yesterday at school I found a seat in class, asked the guy next to me to watch my bag and then made a quick trip to the bathroom. It was far too late when I realized there wasn’t any toilet paper in my stall. I panicked. There’s always the drip-dry option, but I didn’t want to walk into class late. I called out to the other person I could hear in the bathroom for help. She kindly obliged and handed me a wad of paper. When I walked out of the stall she was washing her hands and I thanked her again. I told her she saved me from ten minutes of the drip-dry method. She gave me a weird look and rushed out.
Kids today are so shy about taking about their vagina’s with strangers.
I finished washing my hands and walked back into class. I sat down, thanked the guy for watching my bag and then pulled out my computer to take notes. In the process I bumped the girl sitting on the other side of me. I hadn’t taken the time to look at her until that moment. Of course it was the bathroom girl. I smiled at her, but she looked away.
This is why I’ve decided to break up with Jesus. I’m sick of this sort of thing happening to me. If Jesus is indeed a savior, wouldn’t he have saved me from this sort of embarrassing situation? Seriously, he’s so fired right now.
This week is exhilarating. I have so much to look forward to. Is there anyone NOT watching “Lost?” Because if so you’re dead to me. I was this close to making a “Lost” advent calendar to track the days until the new episode. And I totally would have, but I’m lazy.
Seriously, I’m ecstatic.
And it seems like there’s another big event this week.
Hmm…
Yeah, yeah… I’m kidding. Like I could forget about today! Last night I was pajama clad and in bed by 9:00 pm. Not because I was especially tired, but because I knew the sooner I went to bed, the sooner I’d wake to inauguration day.
It doesn’t matter who you voted for, there’s no denying today is a historical day. I’m so proud of my country for voting Barak Obama into office. A man who will, without a doubt, make an excellent President of the United States to all Americans. My Tivo is set to record news coverage on two stations, and I set my old school VRC as backup. I can’t miss a second of this.
It’s feels just like Christmas morning. Only this Christmas will last the next four years.
Bring it Obama!
Not everyone is well versed in the Mormon faith. I grew up in a Mormon family, and I’ve discovered there’s a multitude of doctrine and church history I don’t even know.
I assume that has something to do with me ditching church to go skinny dipping in the river with boys.
One of the things I do know is that I’m not allowed into the Mormon Temples. It’s a sacred place for active members. I have no idea what goes on in there, but I’m guessing it’s something religious and not just a bunch of people in white watching the newest episode of “Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels.”
When I found out I could take a tour of the newest temple before they dedicate it I wanted to go. And who better to take me than my Jesus-loving BFF RLO.
“RLO, are you busy Friday night?”
“I am. What’s happening?”
“DAMMIT. I want to go to the temple.”
“Ha!”
“Don’t laugh. I’m serious RLO.”
“I don’t think anyone has ever written ‘dammit I want to go to the temple’ before.”
“What did you want to go for?”
“I really, really, REALLY want to go. And think about it, when else am I ever going to get into a Mormon temple?”
“Oh, so you want to see the Draper temple before it’s dedicated. I’m sorry, but I can’t on Friday.”
“So it’s your fault I can’t go to the temple. That’s just mean.”
I begged RLO to change his plans and take me to the temple, but it didn’t happen. RLO doesn’t love me enough to take me to the temple. I’ve made a point to say that very loudly to him each time we are in public. I’ll shame that jerk into taking me to the temple eventually. I don’t know why he won’t agree, I already promised him I would behave and not take a flask.
Thank you to everyone for your kind and encouraging comments yesterday. It means a lot to me!
When I’m starving to death I’ll print out the comments and eat them. See how nice I am? I could have said I was going to burn them to keep warm. It turns out poverty has humbled me.
Please stick with the positive and helpful commenting when you read this week’s “That’s What She Said.” No lectures, please. I’m stressed out and the last thing I need is a lecture on the dangers of pharmaceuticals. It’s not like I’m injecting heroin. Speaking of which, is heroin more or less expensive than a wine addiction? WHAT? Dealers deliver, the Utah State Liquor store does not. I’ll save gas money and the planet.
I am now a part-time employee.
No, the economy didn’t hit the agency I work for (thankfully), but rather I made the decision to cut back my hours so I could focus on finishing my degree.
It’s been incredibly difficult working full-time while taking night classes, and I’m at a point now where the classes I need aren’t offered at night. I feel really good about my decision and haven’t second-guessed myself once. WHICH IS RARE!
Knowing I made the right decision doesn’t stop me from being absolutely terrified. I’m worried about EVERYTHING. Obviously finances are at the top of that list. Coming up with tuition and textbook money was challenging when I had a full-time job, so you can imagine it’s going to take some very creative budgeting to survive.
And the other stuff? HOLY SHIT. Will I be able to pay my rent? Buy groceries? Food for Daisy? And what about the small stuff like a decent bag to can hold all those expensive books. Or the ever-important health and car insurance?
AHHHH!
I’m so fucking freaked out. Someone give me a paper bag quick… I’m hyperventilating. And while you’re at it send food. Or hookers. Or hookers with food to feed me. Yeah, that should work. Everyone knows hookers are the solution for all of life’s challenges.
Less than a week to go! I assume Daisy’s excited since she’s been sleeping with her Democratic Donkey for a week. I’m certainly excited. Are you?
