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I should blog about my first day back at school. And I totally will, but today I’d much rather admire my beautiful new/old purse. I haven’t decided what to name her, but I assure you it will be after an elderly woman somewhere.

I think my love of old lady accessories is a direct result of my old lady behavior. I’m the first to admit that I like to be home early, I take my daily fiber and nothing makes me happier than yelling at children.

It’s only a matter of time before I start smelling like Altoids, wrinkle cream and Virginia Slims. I CAN’T WAIT!

I’ve been incredibly stressed out trying to figure out how I’m going to manage both school and work this semester. When I get stressed out I withdraw, cancel plans and stay home.

RLO must be in tune to the inner working of Sarah because he planned an entire day of activities yesterday.  He picked me up in the morning and kept me busy until 8:00 pm. We ate good food, saw a good movie and went to see Body Worlds 3 one last time before the exhibit closes.

The lines were pretty long to get in, but we kept busy. Much like at a concert, there was a phone number you could text message and the messages would display on the wall, complete with a dancing skeleton. And because I’m a 15-year-old at heart I text messaged it for at least twenty minutes.

I wanted to text “RLO hearts boners” but I’m trying to be nicer to RLO, AND he threatened to kill me and sell me to the museum for display if I did.

In spite of the occasional death threat, he’s such amazing friend to me, which is why I’m planning on having him all to myself. The first step is to get rid of his friend Sugar. I planned to hire a hit man, but it’s too expensive and would put a strain on my textbook budget. I thought I could sell her into white slavery, but that seems like a lot of work. The only option left is to find her a suitable boyfriend that will keep her busy enough that she won’t have time for RLO.

She really is a lovely girl if you can get past the fact that she’s trying to ruin my life.  Sooooo, if there’s any handsome men out there who want a date let me know. I’ll throw in a free blender.

Actually if there’s a handsome man he’s mine, but if there’s a sort of homely looking man who lives with his mother, Sugar is all yours.

Oh, and I’m serious about the blender.

I am worthless at communicating.  I leave important facts out, or over-communicate by telling long stories that have nothing to do with the topic at hand.  Today, when I called my mom, I discovered my poor communication skills are genetic and come from her.

“Mom what are you doing?”

“Your dad is going to the gun show.”

“Um.. I said what are YOU doing.”

“Nothing.”

“Well where are you?”

“I’m almost to Bangerter Highway.”

“Oh, where are you going?”

“Nowhere. Your dad is going to the gun show remember?”

“So then you are going to the gun show with dad?”

“No.”

“Mom, you’re in the car with dad who is going to the gun show, but you’re not going. That doesn’t make sense.”

“Your dad is going to the gun show. I’m going to sit in the car and read a book.”

I usually feel like the loony one in my family, but not today. Sitting in a car, reading a book in the dead of winter sounds way crazier than anything I’m doing today. Which is nothing. So I’d better shower and go rescue my mother from a four hour wait in the car. Because, that dear Internet, is what good daughters do–they save lives. I imagine I’ll win a medal for such a brave, selfless act.

I’ve always hated exercise.  It’s something I have to force myself to do and never, NEVER enjoy it.  Until now!  Read this week’s “That’s What She Said” to find out more.

I downloaded a new application for my iPhone yesterday. Vlingo is a free service that enables voice activated web searches. I’m not a patient person, so while it downloaded on my phone I tested it out on a co-worker’s phone.

Because I’m a narcissist I searched my own name, but because I mumble at times my results didn’t exactly reflect Sarah Nielson. Instead I ended up with this search:

Now I know that “but” and “butt” are different words, but I’m just a tad sensitive about butts lately. Those damn holidays are directly responsible for my jeans not fitting as they should. When I gain any weight it goes straight to my ass. How an iPhone knew that is beyond me. Smart phones indeed.

I’d give you a decent blog post today, but I’m far too busy obsessing over how great Twitter is.  I’ve been using Twitter for ages, but am especially liking it the more I find friends and co-workers using it.

There are a couple Twitter flaws that drive me crazy, but those are more user based.  I hate that speaking teen seems to be a fluent language on Twitter, and the made-up words.  Those I can do without, but there are some pretty great things about this service.

For example I like seeing new users who clearly have pretty damn amazing taste and follow only the best:

I also love that even Twitter can see how much RLO looks up to me.  I’m larger than life in RLO’s eyes, at least according to the Twitter search function.

If you’re not using Twitter you should be. Because how else are you going to know every single move RLO makes?

I know I said I wasn’t going to make any New Year resolutions, but it just sort of happened. I blame that bottle of Two-Buck-Chuck. I made two, and immediately shared them with RLO.

“I decided to make two New Year resolutions: 1) be nicer to you, and 2) to be more positive.”

“Wow, Sarah, your resolutions aligned perfectly with my New Year wishes.”

After hearing that, I really wish I’d have made the resolution to punch RLO in the face every single day. And I would have, but I really like having pretty friends.  I’m shallow like that.

RLO has always hated Daisy. His hate isn’t exclusively targeted at her, but all pugs. He’s an equal opportunity pug hater, also known as a jackass.

His Daisy hate is why the Christmas present he brought me last night was quite a shock. He presented me with two pug pictures to hang and a leash that lights up in the dark for Daisy.

It wasn’t his generosity that surprised me, RLO is very generous. The pug paraphernalia, however, is so out-of-character. There’s only one explanation: RLO is dying. He’s trying to make his peace with Daisy before he croaks.  Which I appreciate, but I’d rather he spend the extra time washing my dishes, doing my laundry and finally getting rid of his pesky friend Sugar. Don’t you worry, Internet, I’ll prioritize the rest of his life. That’s what good friends are for.

Yesterday while I was on the phone with Kelli I found out some very fascinating information.  No, they have not found a miracle cure for OCD, so she’ll still be vacuuming her backyard twice a week.

The news was even bigger.  Apparently she and my brother, Matt, went to prom together when they were in high school.  I had no idea.  I’m guessing I wasn’t informed because I hated her so much back then and would have found additional ways to torture both her, and my brother.

She was this close to being my sister.

I’ve never seen the pictures, so I have no proof of this date.  However, when she got engaged to one of Matt’s best friends he emailed her his best wishes.  By best wishes he told her to tell her fiancée he was going to kick his ass for trying to marry his prom date.  Something about breaking guy code.  This is where I get confused, I thought guy code was whoever drinks the last beer has to go get more beer, same goes for the last roll of toilet paper.

I hope Kelli and Scotty take their time setting a date, because there will still time for me to win her back.  Errr, I mean, Matt to win her back.

Since I gave up cheese fries there’s just not as much incentive to live, let alone leave the house.  Yesterday was a stay at home day. Not because I wanted to, but because leaving the house just seemed like too much work.

Later in the evening Daisy dog started getting really stir crazy. I unhappily put jeans on, put Daisy in the car and left the house for a whole 45 minutes to run some errands.  I checked the mail for the first time in days and found a surprise waiting for me. This shirt:

It couldn’t have been any more appropriate!  I, of course, took it as a sign to forget my other errands and went straight home to take my pants off.