Planning my Future
Being the good friend that she is Kelli thinks she has found a solution for my financial woes. She has decided I should move to San Diego, go to school there on student loans, and commit to teaching school long enough for the government to pay off the loans. Not a bad idea, but I think she just wants a scooter buddy. Which is completely selfish given the fact I’m not near ready for year round swimsuit season.
Since RLO is my closest girlfriend these days, I discussed the idea with him.
“Sarah, you realize kids are shits, right?”
“All people are shits. I think age is irrelevant. You know this would all be so much easier if you’d a) be my sugar daddy, or b) let me sell your flower to the Internet.”
“Well you’re getting closer to being a born-again virgin. You can sell your own flower.”
“RLO, I think yours would yield a higher profit than a slightly used flower.”
“I just looked born-again virgin up and Urban Dictionary says 6 months. You are good to go. And I think your flower is in higher demand than mine.”
“I’ll sell both flowers and of course take all the profit, but at least you’ll be left with a satisfied wiener.”
He didn’t agree, but he also didn’t veto the idea, which is pretty much a green light. It wasn’t until later, I realized it was odd RLO knew the exact timing of my last sexual escapade. Needless to say, I’m going to find that hidden camera tonight and I’m going to give him a show to remember.
Comments
I’ll start the bidding at one bottle of wine and a Swarovski eye patch for Daisy.
Either flower will do.
I’m a born again virgin – and again and again and again and again… dang.
Time for RLO’s flower to be picked for profit.
A wise woman once told me that sugar daddies are an urban legend. Speaking of Urban Legend…6 months! Really? I’ll buy into that one!
if that’s the case, then i was born again while married. that’s just sad.
thanks for making me smile on a day i don’t feel like smiling much. funny stuff.
Sarah, our scooter gang would be soo much more powerful if you moved here. I have connections, you see…
Can we get a two for one deal?
Too bad the government doesn’t actually pay your loans if you’re a teacher. Unless you agree to work in an inner-city school for like 5 years. Which would be horrible.
Quick money is always a good plan for the future!
Six months? Wow, I was a born again virgin too. Damn I would have asked for more if I would have known.
If, indeed, you only days earlier have “popped RLO’s cherry”, it seems clear that: (1) By his loss of his maraschino conscience, RLO is no longer a virgin and (2) whatever the method by which you spilled said cherry juice, it would be considered a recent sexual escapade. Therefore, let us hope none of thy future clients uses Carfax before making this purchase; for they may well find you to be a liar.
Therefore, since you may not be a flower peddler, it is clear that teaching is the only option left; what better locale than San Diego? The gas is inexpensive, homes are a dime a dozen, and, given the close proximity to Mexico, one may engage in under-age drinking at any age! If only thou were moving to California, SD rather than SD, California, I may be inclined to meet with yourself for coffee. Perhaps in Seaport Village or the Gaslamp.
I hear eggs are a hot commodity these days, maybe give those things the ‘ole heave ho.
Internet, stop sending me naked pictures. Six months may have been a slight exaggeration!
P.S….don’t listen to Lisa. I teach an inner-city school and it’s only THAT BAD in the movies. The kids aren’t scary, as long as you’re “in” with the gangs. Kidding.
He could tell because anyone who hasn’t had sex in a while is kind of sad looking. They think no one can tell, but all the sex-havers can spot one a mile away. Life can be so cruel.
i am a teacher…take it from me, SELL THAT FLOWER FIRST.
kidding. kinda.
If you move here I will go out and buy a scooter right this very minute.
And I will buy a bouquet of ripe virgin flowers for you to sniff 😀
What is Arlo willing to settle for? I’m a damn good cook.
When RLO has 9 kids, laugh at him when he says kids are shits.
Just sayin’….
I will pay you good money – for you and RLO to have each others flowers. Let’s make it happen.
Wow, 6 months is all you need to be a born again virgin? That’s impressive…or depressive, depending on how you look at it.
what AK said… and make it a webcam pay per view… Im sure Kelli would pay big bucks to log in…
Hi Sarah, You are allowed to move but only if you keep posting…. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years and i NEED you to make me laugh =o)
Take RLO’s flower and sell your tape on the internet. I promise your financial woes will disappear.