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i drove to happy valley yesterday. not because it makes me especially
happy, but certain people who live there do. midge. very pregnant
midge.

it was the last day i’d be able to spend with her before she has the baby. she’s a week overdue, that lazy bugger just won’t come out. thursday she goes in and they will force the little guy out. i’m sure there’s some sort of technical term for this, but i like to refer to it as operation baby retrival, where they go in and smoke him out–sorta like iraq, but cheaper.

we enjoyed a leisurely lunch, pedicures and oprah. because that’s what you do when you’re pregnant and your best friend is unemployed… i think.

chady-bear and i have more in common than i originally thought! he’s currently in the mtc doing that mormon training stuff before he heads to japan for his mission. he’s not allowed caffeine there, and it turns out he’s a slave to it, just like his sis.

he emailed and asked i send him a package of mountain dew and beef jerky. rather than argue with him on what a dumb request i decided to just go with it. after all, i’m not going to see him for two years. i might as well be nice to him.

i looked all over target and couldn’t find any jerky. of course my standby maverick gas station had some. so chady gets his mountain dew, a meat blanket and just to be a bratty sister i sent some princess pop-tarts. what the hell, right? he can’t yell at me… he’s with god now.

my pal marky’s best friend’s father passed away yesterday. rather than being the sensitive person my mother raised me to be, i was the idiot i’ve turned out to be.

mark: what’s up?
sarah: it’s hotter then hell in my apartment right now.
mark: i set up my little ac thing.
sarah: so hot i want to die right now!
….silence….

shit. shit. shit. i’m the worst friend ever.

i’m looking for a geek. not the kind of geek who never leaves his mother’s basement, but the geek with designer jeans and cool glasses. oh, and hair. that’s important–bald geeks need not apply.

my geek must be geeky enough to accompany me to the mac store and actually enjoy it. (my ibook is on the fritz AGAIN!) also, please know every computer program i may need, and redesign my blog to look exactly the way i want it: pink. my geek must accompany me to movies at the broadway, and drive me home when i’ve had a few too many. my geek must be able to read and discuss books with me.

what you’ll get in return. i’ll never complain when you watch the simpsons. i’ll always be willing to bring you coffee while you fix my computer. i’ll try and behave myself in front of your parents, and not behave myself in front of your friends. i’ll happily discuss most new geeks toys with you. of course, reserving the right to pick and choose which items interest me and discuss accordingly.

is that really so much to ask?

in utah this week was a sponsor for this year’s pride parade. ben, being the good brother he is, walked in the parade with us. after hearing numerous times how cute his dimples were he shut down and hid in the booth. i think he was just mad i got to ride in a car and he had to walk. it pays to wear shoes that are pretty and not at all sensible. comfortable tennis shoes guarantee you’re walking!

‘tis the festival season! today’s venue was paddlefest then pride. oddly, i had to get my paddle pre-pride, and surprisingly i was a powerhouse at steering the canoe. at least that’s what my female partner-in-crime told me. perhaps she was placating me enough to make it to shore. either way i love her more for it! both events were a good time thanks to good friends and beer coupons! and both are going on again tomorrow. paddle or pride, people.

holli and i took the kids to the zoo today. mrs. ak, her two children and mina, the mother of all, met us there. we did all the usual zoo stuff: rode the train, saw the animals, hunted for diet coke, nearly puked walking out of the stinky snake building. hannah and her new best friend explained it best:

go here to read my column for this week.

i’m an upstairs neighbor. i try really hard to be conscience of this, and keep the tap dancing with circus midgets to a minimum.

last night i saw my downstairs neighbor when i was out with daisy. i asked her if she hears any weird noises from my apartment at night. she looks at me sorta wide-eyed and just nods her head no. i replied, “cool” and walked back upstairs. i figured she was just embarrased i caught her sneaking a smoke and didn’t think anything of her somewhat odd response.

it didn’t dawn on me until a couple hours later she probably didn’t think think i was talking about my noisy elliptical machine, but something more along the lines of virgin sacrifices or crazy sex.

i think it’s best to just avoid her for a few days. i have a feeling if i try and explain it’s only going to get worse. sigh…

in utah this week is the media sponsor for this year’s pride parade. we’re walking in the parade sunday morning. if you’d like to join us please contact joel at jshoemaker@inthisweek.com for details. what do you get out of it? well, you get a freebie shirt and to hang out with us!