Thanks!
1) watching a football movie.
2) cleaning car with armor all wipes twice in one day.
3) refusing to meet friends for coffee because it requires putting pants on.
not to mention, my apartment is MUCH cleaner when i’m not home all day.
“itsy bitsy candlestick climbed up the mountain snow.”
this is how i spent my afternoon with marky: 
while on the couch in our sugar-induced coma i told him to check out fiddley.com. i’ve been thinking about taking the time to design a real website rather than this blogger template crap, and really like his.
marky: “how do you spell it?”
me: “f-i-d-d-l-e-y.”
marky: “f-i- what?”
me: “dd, as in tits, l-e-y.”
happy mother’s day, mommy! i just want to take a moment to remind you i’m your favorite child. sometimes i know it’s a competition between ben and i, but after reading the below story i’m positive you’ll reward me with the best child title.
last night banjo ben, scott and i went to a party at ak’s house. on the way home scott was telling ben about the bi-sexual woman who spend 15 minutes in the bathroom with her date’s ex-wife, both walking out in a very good mood. (scott will insist i point out both women were “smokin”.)
ben was in total disbelief he missed such a pivotal moment in the evening, so it couldn’t possibly be true by his reasoning. when i told him it really had happened, he grabbed his phone and started dialing, “i’m just going to check…”
oh, and mom… ben opened bottles with his teeth last night. so that makes me a better child too. i’m responsible about my dental bills. how could you not appreciate that?
one of my long-standing male girlfriends, scott, is in town. we were talking about sex, because for some reason my car is similar to a high school boy’s locker room (in conversation only, not smell!). suddenly he blurts out he has an unusually long tongue, then proceeds to show me. what did i do? i nearly wrecked my damn car into a car in the other lane. in the future if all friends could agree not to show me their body parts while driving that would be great.
to read this week’s column click here. sorry, it’s another wedding rant. i promise i’ll be over it soon.
one day i’ll attend a family wedding with a man date. last night i took my best friend jen as my date–she’s pretty hot for a man. we’ve been friends for 15 years making my family sorta her family, without the guilt. lucky bitch. the event went off without a hitch (no pun intended, okay, well maybe a little), despite all my complaining about the hideous bridesmaid dresses. i’m really hoping the honeymooners don’t have an internet connection, otherwise that george forman grill won’t be heading my way, and man do i want one! ben and i scoped out the gifts and i called shotgun on any grill and/or pink stuff. ben called shotgun on one of the bridesmaids, but will request she wear anything but that dress on their date.
it was good to see my extended family. i don’t see my mother’s side of the family all too often. someone has to die or marry for us to get together. last night felt a little like both. thank god for cheap boxed wine. seriously.
i didn’t post very many pics, but to see the ones i did click here. i should have snapped a pic of the ugly dresses, but it didn’t seem fair to the bridesmaids who didn’t quit the wedding. saps.
tonight was my brother jeff’s wedding. it was pretty and all, but hannah stole the show. twice. the first time was in the middle of the ceremony she got up and walked over to where ben was and said, “i love you ben!” the second was when she asked her dad to give me a super wedgie.
nothing screams i grew up in the country like a breakfast at the cracker barrel with your brothers. NOTHING!
i was being very sneaky and eating bacon when chady-bear caught it on film. they often tease me i’m not related since i’m not a carnivore like they are, and not just a restaurant carnivore, but one who shoots animals and hangs the horns on their bedroom walls.
i’m always amazed when someone hands me a tool of any kind. i can’t get out of my house without hurting myself, how can i be trusted with a dangerous tool? my favorite canadian, carmen, still won’t let me live down the time i cut an extension cord with a saw–and i won’t let him live down the fact he was dumb enough to let me handle one.
i went to meet a friend for coffee and found him in his back yard digging trenches. (he claims it’s for sprinklers, but i have my suspicions otherwise. it looks like prime dead body real-estate.) despite being in pretty shoes that don’t mix well with dirt i had to dig for a minute. suprisingly, no one was harmed, including myself.
