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i am so over diet coke–they tricked me into being healthy! in a rush at the gas station i grabbed the first diet coke i saw, it wasn’t until i was in the car that i noticed it was diet coke plus. PLUS VITAMINS AND MINERALS! sneaky bastards. i swear to god it tasted like carrots and wheat grass. isn’t the entire point of the beverage that it eats your stomach and causes esophageal cancer? i don’t want fortified death. if they start putting b12 in sbux i’m going to lose it.

i’m feeling very 1994 today. so i did what any other 1994 girl would do–i went to 7-11 for a big gulp. when i was leaving the cashier looked me up and down and said, “be careful out there.”

what the hell?!

does he know something i don’t? i don’t think he could have known i got yelled at today. seriously. my column is total fluff, how can it possibly upset people enough to yell at me in the grocery store? come on people, isn’t there more things in life to be upset over? war? 3.2 beer?

i went to a friend’s house last night and couldn’t help but notice this in his front room:when i asked him if he knew there was a giant knife laying on his game shelf his response was, “that seems about right.” it was one of those things rather than question it just made more sense to go to the bar.

for the most part i am comfortable with being 31, though there are always exceptions to that rule– forever 21 at the gateway is one of them. when urban princess and i went shopping there over the weekend i felt like i should be hunting for banjo ben’s next girlfriend, rather than new summer tops. the place is seriously overrun with teeny boppers.

while we were in line waiting to pay princess looked at the pink & orange clutch i was buying, and said, “i love knobs on purses.” as usual, i didn’t think before opening my fat mouth and replied, “i love grandma knobs!”

it’s amazing people agree to go out with me in public.

the yuppie and i were eating dinner last night, when he mentioned the restaurant we were at had in utah this week. i didn’t believe him–call it what you will, but out of habit when i walk into restaurants i look to see if they carry it. arriving i had only noticed a city weekly rack.

he wanted to bet dinner on it, but since i don’t have a real job i declined. walking out i found we were both correct!

i found this magnet on ben’s fridge and immediately pocketed it. it’s now proudly displayed on my fridge next to my favorite pin-up girl magnet.
if my mom read “i will date only young men who live church standards” on his fridge i’m positive a family intervention would follow, and frankly that’s just too much family time for me.

i was at the laundromat by my house last week playing ms. pac-man. when, after a couple games a guy there came up and said, “what a great way to kill time while waiting for your laundry. can i play you?” the sad part is i wasn’t doing laundry, i was just there for the game.

the very day i told the yuppie about the incident, he showed me a pair of shoes he saw that he thought i’d like. it’s like playing frogger on my feet, of course i had to buy them. i’m not sure if this is his way of hinting playing video games at the laundromat is unacceptable or if he’s encouraging it–either way i’m not stopping!

men’s health magazine contacted me last week. apparently, slc ranks #2 in cities where a woman over the age of 35 can find a man. seriously. i thought it must be a mistake, but guess not.

to read the article in it’s entirety go here, if you’re lazy and only want to read my contribution go here. either way go read it, if you need an extra incentive there’s pictures of chesty women!

the magazine’s editor-in-chief will be on oprah today discussing it. i’ve never seen an episode of oprah, but this was worth setting my tivo. i swear, i’ve never seen her show, but i have seen three episodes of american idol. i’m not proud.

to read this week’s ‘the dating years’ column, please click here!

marky: “my nose is alive!”

yours truly: “that’s as gay as i go.”

ben: “i’m either eating willie nelson’s ice cream or making love to him. i can’t tell.”

pmk: “double amputees are exciting!”