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marky and i went to the mall last night in disguise as old women. ok, maybe it wasn’t exactly in actual disguises, but we did eat at the nordstrom cafe, which screams old. since i ate a lemon bar for dinner, i made him go to the gym with me afterwards–where we had this conversation:

marky: “hey, where’s (insert the yuppie’s real name here) tonight?”
me: “who?”
marky: “umm…the guy you’re dating!”
me: “shit! shit! shit! (among other expletives)”

tonight the yuppie sent me a message saying he was tired. my reply was, “maybe dating me really is exhausting.” his response, “is that a typo? do you mean exhilarating?”

i’m having a bad blog day–sometimes it feels like with so many people i know in real life reading i can’t blog about what i really want to. would it be so wrong to have an anonymous blog? soooo, rather than skip a day i’m giving you this little gem:
marky and i went to the movie last night, on our way home we accidentally stopped at the dollar store (the entertainment factor of that place is well worth a stop. really, clown statues for a dollar? you just can’t beat that!) muffin top cereal–how awesome is that?!

earth day was on sunday, so i did my part. i ate treats. a friend of mine (who shall remain nameless because i hate him today) lives in a neighborhood where the kids got together and sold plates of goodies in order to raise money for earth day. it was very cute and i’m never going to say no to a good brownie, unless it came off willie nelson’s tour bus.

i did, however, make sure my friend ate one first, just in case the homemade treats killed him. what if they were baked with arsenic in order to decrease the population? in theory the earth’s natural resources would last longer, right?

yeah, i’m fully aware of my insanity. i justify it by telling myself it’s cute.

i went and saw hot fuzz last night at the broadway. two things: 1) i need aviator glasses something fierce. 2) i hate people that aren’t me.

the group that sat in back of me clearly enjoyed the movie. so much, in fact, they couldn’t stop laughing–which is fine under most circumstances, however, when you lean forward laughing so hard that you actually laugh INTO MY HAIR? umm, gross.

sure, i get that mistakes often are mad, so i overlooked it the first time, but after the fourth i was annoyed. i don’t want laugh spit in my hair from strangers, and i refuse to apologize for that. i was on a date, therefore practicing some self-restraint. i ignored it for the 10th and 11th time when really i wanted to turn around and poke his eyes out with my drink straw (sorry, daisy… insensitive, i know).

from this point on, my standards for judging movies will be: was it laugh into hair funny, or just funny?

last night i was a judge for superstar 2007— a karaoke contest in utah this week is sponsoring.
for the record i know nothing about singing, but i know everything about being snarky! examples of this were my comments:
you must be every masturbating teenage boy’s dream.
i’m straight but even i’d go home with you.
no comment.

and the best snarky comment caitlyn, my partner-in-crime judge, made, “i’ve never heard that song before, and i never want to again!” i loved her for that, because i was thinking the same thing.

it was pretty simple to determine who actually watches american idol, because after their performance they would stand in front of us waiting for mean comments. god bless simon cowell.

brock.v*******: get laid?

brock.v*******: no

for this week’s column click here.

and because i know you’re reading the rest of the paper ( you are, right?!), go here and let them know you’re reading and what you enjoy–you may even win a bling shirt like mine! if you’re not reading, you should be! you can start here where my editor missed the memo on pink being uber cool. just to avoid questions, i did not start the pink guy blog–i just with i had! as you can imagine this guy is my favorite man in slc. boyfriends come and go, but pink guy? he’s forever!