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banjo ben ditched work yesterday afternoon so we went spent the afternoon shopping local record stores. between the two of us we ended up buying nearly 100 records, which would be much cooler if either one of us actually owned a record player.

the first record i ever owned was strawberry shortcake. i’d like to think my tastes have changed since then, but sadly no. my favorite record purchased today wasn’t billie holiday, paul anka (shut up!) or any of the sinatra albums i found. nooooo, it was a random waltz album. it’s cute and pink just like my strawberry shortcake album–some things never change. now if i could just find something to listen to them on!

i’ve never taken criticism well–it hurts. i blame my childhood piano teacher. when i couldn’t get the rhythm right she used to pound it on my back as i played. in her defense, i’m sure she thought she was lightly tapping, but remember i’m a giant wuss.

now, 25 years later nothing has changed–i still don’t handle critical comments well, which is sad since i can sure hand them out. i know perfectly well what my faults are, and most days i’ll admit to them.

so last night when the yuppie called me dramatic it stung. why? because it’s true. i get whiny when i’m tired. rewind–i get whinier when i’m tired. so the fact that it was well past my bedtime when this was said did not help. so, in the span of one evening i was overly-sensitive, whiny and dramatic. awesome.

i obviously love making fun of things–being an equal-opportunity offender i like to include my friends and family, as seen here:

when i asked marky if he wanted to go to the gym he replied with, “i just got a paint job and can’t sweat.”

“i’ll be extra diligent and not look up any rapist vans this afternoon, so that i’ll have time tomorrow.”–compliments of the yuppie.

when leaving friends after dinner marky said, “i’ll see you online!”

and worth a second mention, from pmk: “my nephews are going to be boys.”

last night i accidentally stalked a woman in target– i blame ben. he was supposed to be entertaining me but was too busy playing with engines, gasoline and dead batteries.

while shopping i kept seeing an attractive woman who looked vaguely familiar, though i couldn’t place where i might know her from. it was driving me crazy– i’ll be the first one to admit i’m slightly obsessive. she was in all the good sections and had great clothes and hair, so i couldn’t help but glance at her each time i saw her.

finally, while standing in front of her in the check out line, i recognized her bag. i asked her if she was the sister of a friend of mine, indeed she was. i’d read a post on her blog where she posted a picture of her self designed bag–i’m secretly addicted to her blog because she talks about tv boyfriends which are a very important matter.

thank god i finally placed who she was, i hate coming across as the crazy lesbian blog stalker.

how to woo sarah:
how to be endearing:
ask for the vase to be returned, as it was borrowed from a friend.

urban princess and i went to costco to pick up a birthday present for a friend this weekend. i like to choose a gift that keeps on giving. this time, i think i nailed it (no pun intended). what better for a single guy than a super sized package of condoms? you’re right…absolutely nothing.

as we waited in line i mentioned how odd it was that everyone was so friendly. typically saturday’s at costco are a nightmare. it was then i remembered i just walked around a store carrying nothing but a giant box of condoms. all the friendly men suddenly made sense.

*please take note-the giant pack of 900 tampons are not mine. i’m moody, but not that moody.

go here to read this week’s column. for those who sent emails last week wondering where cheese guy was, rest assured, he’s back. for how long is the real question.